Just a day...

So, today's that day... it's 9 years since Jacques left all of us in this world and moved onto the next.  Back then, I honestly believed that he was the lucky one and if I didn't have Jake, I'd have followed him quite quickly.

It's quite hard on days like these, not to sit and look at the clock, to remember what we were doing and when we said our last goodbyes.  It's hard not to remember the police knocking on my door with Jacques wedding band, wallet and car keys.  It's impossible not to remember the phone calls made and received and the long, physically aching days that followed.  Planning a funeral and packing up a home with a newborn. Saying goodbye to hopes and dreams.  In my heart, I know these things so well.  I've lived with them for 9 years and I will carry them for the rest of my life.  The first year was hard, the second even harder.  I didn't believe I'd ever reach a stage when I could get out of bed and feel like a normal person.  I didn't believe I'd ever go to sleep at night, without crying myself to sleep.  There were days when I'd have given anything to jump off my ship.  But here we are.  9 years on.  And, while today still sucks, it's bearable and I can still laugh and enjoy my day.  I didn't wake up in tears this morning and, with my exhibition tonight, I'm actually quite looking forward to my day.  There is wine coming and I have chocolate in the cupboard for tonight.  Today is NOT the day that Jacques died; it's just a day and I'm so grateful that I have come this far.  Still, while I want to just get on with it and pretend that every thing's fine, my heart is heavy and I would be lying if I said that I didn't miss him immensely.  I know that Jacques' mom and dad, his sisters and my own family are all together today in our thoughts.  We are strong!  And to ignore the day, by not saying anything here, well that would just be wrong...

I've given a lot of thought about whether or not today is the right day to share my next bit of  news here too.  It's debatable and I'm sure there are some out there who will think I'm very wrong, but the more I've thought about it, the more appropriate I think it is and since it's my blog... well, you just have to deal with it!  I think Jacques would be really happy for Jake and I with where we find ourselves and, more importantly, with whom...

So, yes, as a select few already know, I've met a someone!  After my past relationships, I think it was fairly easy to see that I had my heart set on being single forever.  It was much less complicated that way, but sometimes the universe has bigger, better plans in store and there's not a lot you can do to stop it.  I've enjoyed my single time, but this is way more fun!!

I thought all relationships were complicated and dating a divorcee was bound to be really rough, ex-wife, kids and all, but it's been so easy and such fun so far.  M is kind and gentle and generous and affectionate and attentive and uncomplicated and he's the most amazing dad to his two gorgeous boys, who are 8 & 10.  Jake is beyond excited with his two new friends and the are forever climbing into each other yelling "time to die"!  It's all very entertaining and we really miss his boys when they have their weekends with their mom, it's so quiet!!  His eldest son has even decided that we need to buy the house next door, so that they can always see Jake.

M lives really close to the beach, not too far away from us, and the boys have heaps of fun playing on the dunes and looking for shark's teeth together.  While it is still very early days for us, only about a month, it's comfortable and relaxed and fun and I can't remember when last I laughed so much.  Oh my word, do we laugh!  And we go on proper dates and we don't watch TV (mostly cos both his are broken) and we braai and go for walks with the kids - I am being so spoiled, but loving every second of it.  While I think I have managed to convince myself that I'm happy in past relationships, I feel like I am really, truly happy, for the first time in 9 years.  Long may it last!

Sending much love,

Sue XXX

Holiday Fun...

 This is a diablo.  It's a Chinese yo-yo.  Jake saw one at friends recently and has had his heart set on one ever since.

You start off by sweeping it along the ground, to build up spinning speed...

 Once it's going, you beat it about to build up more and more speed.  Kinda looks like you're playing the drums...

 There are a gazillion tricks that you can do with this toy and Jake is learning fast!  He knows the names for all the things he can do, I have absolutely no idea.  The object is just to keep it spinning...

 And when you go to catch it, you hope and pray that it lands back on your string, so you can keep going and look really cool.  Jake tells me he's practising, so that when school starts up again next term, he'll be able to show everyone how to work it.  It's such an amazingly simple toy and you can do SO much with it.  It even comes with a DVD, explaining all the tricks...

 In other news, my mom has more puppies - 3!!  These ones are about 3 weeks old already, so their eyes are open and they're starting to move around.  Their mother was brought in for sterilization and pregnancy termination all in one.  They managed to find foster homes for 5 of the 8 pups, so my mom is thrilled that she could do her bit to help.  The kids love it too...

 This is Leo.  He's the smallest of the three and he's our favourite...

 Leo has 6 toes on each of his back feet...

 Once again, Duracell has proved himself to be an excellent puppy carer.  While he's viciously protective and hates other dogs, he's so unbelievably gentle with puppies...

 Actually, Jake's a bit of a mother hen too...

 He is totally in awe of their tiny perfection.  This guy's gonna be a real hands on dad...

 This is Molly.  She's the biggest and is a real little pig at meal times...

And you have to admit - they are super cute.  From your left to right - Molly, Leo and Diesel...

 Jake is totally fascinated by them.  he's very gentle and so good with them...  SO tempting to keep them all...

 I mean, look that little schnoz... I just want to nuzzle it...

 Little Pip is still with us.  He went in today for his op to try close his cleft pallet.  He's really such a cute dog and it's going to be really hard to say goodbye to him eventually.  He's part of our family; he's been around for so long.  This is a crap photo of him, but it's the only one I have at the moment...

We had the super moon this week too.  Personally, it looked the same to me as always on Sunday, but I did manage to get a fairly cool photo of it...

I have lots more news and it will come with photos too, I promise, just not now.  Life is keeping both Jake and I very happy and very busy at the moment though.  Sorry I've neglected my blog!!

Sending heaps of love to everyone,

Sue XXX

My Superstar...

My little punkster gets his school report card today and I can't wait to see how he's done!  

I used to dread getting his report at the end of each term last year - it was awful to see that that he wasn't managing to keep up with the work at all.  This year, I am really looking forward to seeing how Jake's managed!  He did so super well during the first term and I don't ever expect him to out-perform himself, I just want to know that he's tried and given his best.  He doesn't ever have to be the best; just happy.  He's enjoying school so much more this year too and has THE most amazing teacher.  He's reading well and is fast becoming a little book worm.  He's top of the boys on the dot chart (reward system) and he's super chuffed about that.  Another thing I'm thankful for is that his teacher didn't need to see me this term, so I've sighed a very big sigh of gratitude for another good term.

Otherwise, life is good and Jake and I have been very busy.  Thankfully, sport has come to an end for the term, so things feel less rushed and the holidays start next week, so I'm really looking forward to the break from packing lunchboxes!

We've got a long weekend ahead and I'm hoping to do a lot of nothing the entire weekend.  The weather's grim today, but looks sunny for the weekend, so hopefully we can get out and do something nice.  Hope you all have an awesome weekend too!

Sending love,

Sue XXX

PS.  Just had a call from Jake's remedial teacher.  She's had him for more than a year now, but is finally happy that he's reached where he needs to be.  He's learnt new concepts and knows how to impliment them in the classroom and has caught up with the rest of his peers.  She was so full of praise for him, she said he's a very strong boy with a lovely spirit - I am so happy and so proud of this boy, there are no words!!

More photographs...

 It seems that at the moment, all I blog about is my photography...  but it really is almost all that I have time for at the moment.  Poor Jake!  He's been a fantastic model and such a great support.  He never grumbled once!  Anyway, this is my final photo story that's been submitted for exhibition on the 27th.  I've edited them very slightly - I don't like too much editing, especially on people, unless you want them to look unnatural.  For my story, that didn't work...

 I did end up using Jake's face... but it is a beautiful photo of my special boy...

 Co-incidentally, it's Jacques anniversary the night of my exhibition...

 Also for the exhibition, we need to submit two 8 x 12 prints, that'll be mounted for the night.  I have to choose my 2 favourite photos from the course and have them submitted by the 18th.  I obviously have to use my pomegranate, since I won photo of the week with it...

 And I think I'm going to use this one as my second option.  I love the colours...

 But have been undecided (again) about my choice.  I also love all the ones below...

 I think that this one is probably my 3rd choice...

 

Anyway, you'll be pleased to know that after this, I'll be able to post photos of the kids again and I might actually be able to do something besides taking photos for a bit.  I am busy completing the forms for DSLR2, which runs 16 July - 3 September.  It's more about light, so I'm looking forward to growing even more in my photography next term!!

I guess it's fitting to say thank you to everyone who's stopped by and hasn't run a mile from my photos; to those of you who've given me your most valuable opinions and advice.  You don't know how much I appreciate it!!  Thank you!

Sending lots of love to you all,

Sue XXX

Remembering...

 So, this weekend I managed to finish off my photo story.  The weather was revolting, but it gave me a good excuse to stay inside and choose pictures and get my head around what I'm going to do.  I might still change a few things, but for now, this works for me.  I have tried to do a quick edit in Photoshop, so hopefully I'll be able to ask my lecturer this evening for her opinion on my editing skills.  My personal feeling is less is more and I like to try get my snaps as good as possible when I take them.  Jake loves these photos.  I'm still undecided whether I want the child to be faceless, or whether I'm going to share my precious boy with the viewers.

Anway, my story starts with image number 1 - a boy looking through old photos.  Some of Jake as a baby with Jacques, some of Jacques as a winemaker.

Image 2, is the entrance to the farm, where the story all began, really...

 Image 3, Jake walking down the lane, into the farm...

Image 4, he passes vineyards and manor house (you've seen this shot before)...

 Image 5, he makes his way up a hill...

 Image 6, was quite a sentimental one for me.  Jake has been to the remembrance cross twice now and he says he feels quite sad to know that's where his dads ashes are.  He put a rock next to the cross when we visited on Friday...

Image 7, oh this tugs at all my heart strings. I really love this photo too...

 Image 8, to end off with the cellar in the background and Jake messing around with the vines...

 I like Image 9 too, but not sure whether to include it some how.  I'm only allowed a maximum of 8 photos, so it's quite tricky narrowing it down.  I like that this includes the dates though and that it's so weathered now.  Perhaps with the dates, the viewer would realise that this was his father's life we're remembering here...But you can see the dates in image 7 too...

 Image 10, is another very poigniant shot, shows the valley nicely in the background...

Image 11, I like this one of the cross too...

 Image 12. And this one that looks like Jake is saying a little prayer there too...

So what do you think?  Which are your favourites?  I have done some editing in Photoshop and when I'm happy with these, I'll post my final, updated story online too.

I hope you managed to keep super warm over the icy weekend, for those of you living in Cape Town.  We've had so much hail and rain and cold temperatures, it was really difficult getting out of bed this morning!!  We had a super, relaxing weekend and for the first time in ages had very little planned.  So wonderful to have some time in our beautiful little home.

Sending much love,

Sue X

PS.  After chatting to friends, I think I'm going to leave off the picture of the entrance to the farm, it really doesn't matter where the photos were taken, although it does matter that it's a wine farm.  I am probably now going to end off with image 1, so there'll be a boy walking through the farm and then arriving at the cross and ending off with photo album, perhaps a close up of his hand holding a picture of Jacques.  Not sure which "cross" images to use though, so let me know what you think!!