Jake's book...

This is my idea for Jake.  I've been wanting to do this for ages, but never get around to it...

If you knew Jacques in any way and have a small story you'd like to put into Jake's book, please let me know 

Have a happy weekend!

Love Sue XXX

A Decade...

Today is the 27th of June - never been a happy day for me.  It's a day that I dread on my calendar and one that I always look forward to the end of.  Today is also significant because it marks the 10th anniversary since Jacques died.  A whole decade!  I don't know how the time has flown by so quickly and still managed to stand still at the same time.

I always tell myself that today is just a day, that it's not that day, but it's difficult not to look at the clock and remember when Jacques gave me our last kiss through our security gates or shouted his last "I love you" as he headed off on his life's final adventure.  It's hard not to remember people knocking on my door to pass me the news, or those first frantic phone calls.  It's hard not to remember the tears that flowed and the hearts that were broken that day.

But today is not that day.  Today is 2014, 10 years down the line.  I am still sad and I still miss Jacques more than I can tell you, but my life has reached a turning point and for the first time in 10 years, I feel really happy with life.  There are so many people who have been by my side and traveled this road with me...

My Jake is an amazing kid and he has brightened up the very darkest moments for me.  He always manages to get me to smile and he is just such a blessing.  I honestly don't think I'd have reached this "milestone" without him by my side.  I probably wouldn't be here at all.  There were times when I didn't know how I would ever function as a normal person again, but because of Jake and his love, I had to keep going.  I had to pick up the tiny pieces from the train-wreck that had become my life and start living, start enjoying life, for his sake.  I love him more than unconditionally and if I'm an over-protective, in-your-face kind of mom, well, suck it up - I have my reasons.  He is more precious to me than all the gold in the world!  I truly, madly, deeply love this boy with my entire being!

Another blessing has been my wonderful family.  I am so lucky to have so many people around me who have quite literally carried me when I've needed it.  They've supplied, shoulders, tissues (and sleeves), food, wine and chocolates.  They've given me a roof over my head for far longer than expected.  They've laughed and cried with me and if I don't say thank you enough, I'm sorry.  I love you all SO very much.

Death teaches you so a lot about people.  I have learnt who my truest friends are.  The ones who who have stuck by me through thick and thin, even when I haven't had the energy to remember birthdays or make phone calls.  It hasn't always been pretty and I haven't always been the best friend, but I love you so much and I am grateful to you all for sticking by me through this.  They say you can't chose your family (my big, crazy family really is the best though), but you can chose your friends - thank you for choosing me!

And last, but definitely not least, my Marius, who has helped me patch up the hole in my heart and who loves me in spite of all of the craziness that I've been through.  Perhaps even partly because of it.  It's shaped who I am, after all.  He doesn't get annoyed when I have moments like these and just lets me be who I am.  I am SO unbelievably lucky to have met him (and his gorgeous boys) and I am so grateful that life has given me a second chance at happiness.  It's a scary though to think of being a single parent and growing old alone.  When you've been through something like losing a partner so suddenly, you learn to look on the brighter side of life and you learn not to take things too seriously.  Life does not go happily on forever and you cannot take things for granted.  We don't get as much time together as we'd like, but Marius and I both treasure our time together.  He has fast become my best friend and I love sharing my weekends with him.  Marius has given me hope!

Today is a sad day, but I know now that I'm 10 years older and maybe a little wiser, that Jacques would want us to be happy.  He would be so proud of what we've achieved and how we've coped.  Heck, I'm proud of us!!  So today is just a day, but I cannot wait for my glass of wine this evening and for the sun to rise on tomorrow.

Love,

Sue XXX

PS.  I'm doing something for Jake with that photo... I will post it up here a bit later.

Finally...

I didn't think today would EVER be here - exams are OVER!  Well at least they will be by the time Jake gets home.  He is writing his last exam (Life Orientation, which is kinda like our old Health, but includes religion and rights, etc) at 9am today.  It's an easy one and he's confident about it.  We are finished studying (for now) and I can say, without a doubt, that Jake's first exams went well and I am so proud of him for how much hard work he's put into his studies.

  Exams were never a concern for me when I was a kid.  I never studied.  Like never.  I don't know how to.  I was definitely an auditory learner and must've I listened well in class.  Jake is a very visual learner and so the studying has been something new for both of us.  This term it's been about teaching him how to study and how to do mind maps and use pictures to remember things.  So different from his mother!

It's been quite stressful for me, being on the parent side of exams this time and I count the minutes down till Jake's home from school.  Despite his confidence in his work, Jake's also taken a bit of strain with nerves through exams, which I never expected.  He's woken up nauseous and with an upset tummy every morning.  He's barely managed to get any breakfast down his throat and we did have one morning where it all came up again.  I'm trying to help him with this and will definitely have a stock of rescue drops handy for the end of the year exams.  Maybe his nerves were just because of uncertainty with these being his first set.  Next time can only be better!

So today we can breathe a sigh of relief and slob out on the couch.   Jake can play!!  It feels like a long time since we just had time to be and I can't wait!!

Well done on finishing your first exams, Jake - I am very proud of you, my sweet boy.  I know you've done your very best and I love you for trying so hard!  XXX

Love,

Sue XXX

A Good Year...

  A few days late, but Marius and I have been dating for a year now... a whole year!!  How did we get there so soon?

 A year has shown me that Marius is the most wonderful, patient dad.  It's very tough being a single parent and he does it so effortlessly.  Michael and Cameron are very lucky boys to have such a devoted dad who loves them so very unconditionally.

A year has taught Jake the benefits of having a strong, stable man around.  The changes in his confidence are clear for all to see and I think it's given him a wonderful sense of being part of a "normal" family.  He's been accepted and welcomed warmly into Marius' home (on the weekends).  A year has taught Jake how to share me.  A year has taught him how to find shark's teeth on the beach.  A year has taught Jake that having two boys around means friends 24/7, but it also means learning to stand up for oneself.  He really is crazy about the boys and the weekends that they're with their mom always feel a bit flat for all of us, especially Jake.  

A year has taught me how to be happy again.  It's taught me how to give of myself in a way that makes not only others happy, but me too.  A year has shown me that Marius is funny, kind, caring, generous and compassionate.  He accepts me for who and what I am.  A year has taught me not to take life so seriously; that's it's good to laugh and act like a kid sometimes.  A year has taught me that life is hard work and that kids can be challenging, but if you have a decent partner to share the load with, it makes the journey fun.  A year has taught me to enjoy cooking again!  A year has taught me to have hope and to believe in happily ever afters.  A year has given me back what I thought I'd given up on.  A true companion.  A year has given me a year full of love.

To my Marius, my Schmuckles, thank you for loving and accepting both Jake and I.  I love our time together and I loved every second of our holiday.  I love how special you always make me feel.  I will never take you for granted, you are amazing in every way.  Thank you for the most wonderful, exciting year and thank you for loving me.  I can't wait for the next year in this adventure!  I love you XXX

Love your Sue XXX

An Unexpected Journey - Part 8...

Marius and I spent our last night in our Motor Home in Raglan, which is on the Tasmanian Sea, along the West Coast of New Zealand.  It's supposed to be a surfing spot, but we didn't acutally get as far as the beach.  This was a lagoon, or inlet of sorts... black beaches again...

The sunset was magnificient...

See?? We had some drinks at the camper and went out for fish and chips and a calamari ring for supper...

We did the drive back to Auckland mostly in the rain... passed a herd of cows on the highway, as you do...

He scenery continued to amaze us and we both felt quite sad that our time together in this beautiful country had come to an end so soon...

So, to Marius... than you for the most incredible holiday. I loved every second of my time with you. You are wonderful and I love you. 

Hope you all have a wonderful weekend, thanks for sitting through all my photos, I hope you enjoyed seeing New Zealand too!

Love Sue xxx

An Unexpected Journey - Part 7...

 Taupo was great and if we'd had enough time, we could've stayed a week, but Rotorua was beckoning and we were now well on our journey back towards Auckland for our flight home.  We stopped above for a quick roadside nap and then headed into Rotorua town to find out where we could camp for the night.  The tourist information sites were fabulous all over New Zealand, but this one was not.  Marius bravely went to the police station and they gave him great ideas about where we could park for the night...

 It was perfect - right on the banks of Lake Rotorua...

 We went to one of the local pubs for a pre-dinner drink - there are surprisingly few pubs in Rotorua...

 The next morning was frosty again and Marius felt sorry for the birds and so fed them cereal...

 Funny prehistoric looking birds.  There was no signboard, so I have no idea what they're called, but it was quite funny watching them trying to walk on the ice, they've got really long toes...

 It was also hunting season in New Zealand and the Canadian Geese were all about...

 And that's where we spent the night...

 Jake had packed me a hand line, so I had to cast it for him somewhere in New Zealand.  I didn't catch anything, but at least I tried...

 Moari artwork is lovely and so fascinating (be prepared for an overkill of photos)...

 We went to a park to see bubbling mudpools and a geyser blow it's top and these pictures were all taken there...

 Such wonderful textures - I could've stayed and taken photos all day...

 I especially like this one, though not sure why...

 They are pretty weird...

 The boiling, bubbling and really stinky mud...

 The Maori's refer to the bubbling mud as leaping frogs...

 The geyser wasn't quite ready to blow, but it was starting to get hot and angry-looking...

 There is a lot of sulphur and other deposits all over...

 The whole land seems to be smoking hot and I did try touch an unfenced section of ground and it is warm...

 More sulphur - you can imagine the pong...

 The blue pond...

 And the gap in the earth from where the geyser explodes...

 Our tour guide wasn't prepared to wait, but we decided to rather skip the rest of the tour in favour of seeing the geyser blow and we're really glad we did...

 The water shoots out of the geyser so fast and it's so hot, that it turns to steam as soon as it reaches the air...

 It shoots up to 30m in the air.  That's very high...

 Look how tiny Marius is next to that...

 Our next stop was the Californian Redwood Forest - again, we wished we had more time...

 The trees seem to go up into forever...

 Marius looks so small...

 Is a Silver Fern like the one on the All Black's jerseys...

 Autumn was really the best time to visit - the colours were magical...

 We're nearly done... just one more stop before we head on home!

Sue XXX

An Unexpected Journey - Part 6...

 Not too far from Napier, inland and up the center of the North Island to Lake Taupo.  We were chasing the rain and cold and even saw flurries of snow as we crossed over the highest parts of the pass.

When we arrived in Taupo, it was POURING and we were hungry and thirsty.  I crept through bags, under the bed, to turn the gas on so we could make coffee and lunch without having to leave the van.  Marius was too big...

 By the time we'd finished our lunch, the wind had blown the clouds away and the sun was out.  This is Lake Taupo - New Zealand's biggest lake.  And check out the waves...

 Since the sun was out, we decided to go see the Haku Falls, along the Waikato River.  We didn't realise that it was a 3km walk each way, but the sun was out and the walk was lovely...

 We passed a little hot spring on our way - the water is heated geothermally and Marius decided that he was coming back for a swim in the morning...

 With -3 deg C forecast for overnight, it was already chilly and we dressed warmly for our walk...

 Only to have to carry everything again.  And yes, I forgot my walking shoes in the car...

 We eventually reached the falls.  They're not very high falls, but they're incredibly powerful...

 Up river...

 And Marius at a look out... look how beautiful the colour of the water is...

We did our most interesting shopping in Taupo too. You pick up your shopping bags at the door and do your shopping.  When you get to the till, there is no teller.  You ring up your own groceries, weigh your own fruit and veg, pay by yourself and then pack everything by yourself.  It would NEVER work in Africa, nobody would pay for a thing.  We decided to make spaghetti bolegnaise for supper - a quick one with a ready made sauce and tinned mushrooms - it was actually surprisingly yummy...

 Jake wanted me to try different fruit for him while I was there.  The green thing is a feijoa and the red one is a tamarillo.  Feijoa is a bit like a guava and the tamarillo is like a bitter plum crossed with a ganadilla crossed with a tomato. ...

After supper, we did a load of washing and couldn't figure out why our washing didn't get clean - it was only when we woke up to a very cold and frosty morning that Marius realised the pipes were frozen...

 It was a winter wonderland outside and I couldn't get outside fast enough (in my PJs) to take photos...

 A pretty leaf...

  Everything was frozen until the sun came up and even then, if it was in the shade, it stayed frozen...

 Marius swam in the resort's heated pool the night before and hung his swimming shorts up over the side mirror to dry... hahaha...

 It looks like Christmas, right??

 The view out of the windscreen - all that white is ice...

 The sun makes everything look better...

 That's actually quite a lot of ice...

 Marius was busy emptying out our water tanks...

 The bins were frozen shut...

 And true to his word, Marius headed back to the hot water springs for a swim!  It was -2 when we got out the car and he was already barefoot and in his shorts...

 The ice was thick...

 But inside the 40 deg pool, it was warm...  I did join him and it was amazing.  Another guy (a Maori) joined us and chatted for a bit.  He warned us not to put our heads under the water because of the bacteria (cerebral amoeba meningitis) that lives in the geothermal pools and attacks your brain through your ears... too late for Marius, he'd already had his head underwater for some time.  Whoops.  He's OK though and the goggas didn't get to his brain.  It was FREEZING getting out...

 The little birds were very grateful for the crumbs...

 This would explain the temperatures!!  And by the way, this was also the hike I'd hoped to do while we were there... The Toringoriro Crossing, over 3 volcanoes.  Marius told me I wasn't fit enough and when I saw all that snow, I was glad to be warm.    Marius on the other hand, struggled not to rush over there and play in the snow...

 We went inside and had sat by the fire side and drank hot chocolate instead...

The next stop is on the way...

Sue XXX