Weekends & holidays...

We had a busy weekend and I've spent most of the week trying to recover! My body just can't party like it used to. Saturday evening was Joanne's kitchen tea/hen party/pamper party. Rosanne and I are to be her bridesmaids, so it was our responsibility to organise it all. Rosanne's been really wonderful with all her hard work in pulling things together, it would've been a disaster if not for her wonderful food preparation skills. We tried to do as much as we could before hand and froze whatever we could, but Friday and Saturday were still hard work. On Friday evening, we hung fairy lights in the trees, sorted out furniture (we had the party in the garden) and made as much ready as we could. Satuday morning, we were up and working by 8 and although we spent the majority of the day working, it didn't feel like that much hard work. It was nice spending the time with my mom and Rose while we worked busily around our tiny kitchen in 34 deg heat! We took regular breaks to swim and by 5pm, when our guests started arriving, we were all cool, calm and relaxed. It went off really well too, so we're very happy! And, we managed to keep the party a secret, which is quite a miracle. Because Joanne's an accountant, she's very organised and she likes knowing what's happening when. For a change, it was out of her hands entirely and she didn't like not knowing when it was going to happen. She also insisted that we don't dress her up (hence the 'French Maid' uniform) and that she didn't want to play any games. Once everyone had eaten and drunken their fill, we headed out to a local bar. Mainly because everyone (except me - I was the designated driver) had had too much to drink. Everyone had a super time and we got home just after 1, so not too late. Our friend, Sam, slept over - her and Jo were quite funny, but suffered for their sins the next morning.

All dressed and ready to go Sure Paul won't mind her doing the housework in this little number... Opening gifts, with Jake looking on - he was bored, there were no sweets in any of the presents... Leaving the bar Jo and Sam at home after the evening's fun... Sunday, was pretty much a write-off. I was completely exhausted and spent a lot of the day just lazing around next to the pool. I managed to bribe Jake into watching a DVD while I snoozed on the couch, which was divine. Sunday evening, I had a party to go to on the farm - it was the owner's 41st birthday on Monday. I thought I was just going to a casual get-together with a couple of people from the farm, it turned out that there were 120 people invited! Lars had caterers in and hired bar men to make cocktails. Only the best wines from Buitenverwachting were served. There was a live band playing music to dance to. He had a marquet put up on the lawns and there were fairy lights strung up all around it. Inside the marquet, he had big, long beanbag-type cushions for people to sit on and low tables. It was really fabulous. They'd invited a lot of people from the Constantia Valley, who I haven't seen in years, so it was really great to catch up with old friends. Everyone was really nice to me and people kept telling me how they miss having us around and that we're always welcome on their various farms, etc. Although it was really nice to be included and to have been a part of the evening, it was a really tough night. It was just so strange to have been there and to have not been going home with Jacques to our house. I kept looking up during the evening, half expecting to catch his eye across the room. You know, the way partners do. So, went home feeling like a lost soul, wishing I could have my old life back again. Needless to say, even with my anti-depressants, I cried all the way home (that's about 30 mins). When the hell are these things going to kick in??

I was in bed and asleep by 9 on Monday night and by 10 last night. I'm still tired though, so hopefully another early night tonight will do the trick!

Other then that, I've been a bit unhappy at work for the last little while. Although my office is really close to home (less then 2km away), I get a bit bored during the day. I know the opposite extreme, of working your behind off is also unpleasant, but still... I'd love to have more time in my day to spend with Jake. I've been looking around for a half day job with the view to moving, should anything similar come up near home. To date, I haven't found anything. My sister's thrown things in the air a little, one of her boss's companies has a position available for a bookkeeper. It's from 9 - 2 for more pay then I'm getting now, but it's in town. It'll be much busier then the current posistion I'm in and I'll have a lot to learn and huge challenges to face. Fortunately, my sister is a bit involved with the business too, so she will be around to help out and to get me going in the right direction. I'm very, VERY nervous about accepting. Not sure how I feel about working with my sister, although I wouldn't be in the same office, I guess I'd still be reporting to her. Also, I do like the people I'm with now, so feel like I'm letting them down by leaving. Not that I'm irreplaceable, I just don't like the thought of dropping them in the deep end. The posistion my sister told me about is going so different, if I chose to accept. So, lots of thought going into this at the moment.

On a very happy and exciting note, Jake & I have booked out tickets for our next holiday! We'll be travelling to the UK on 27 June, returning 20 July. I can't wait. We'll be in London from 28 June - 2 July, then in Scotland till the 17th (hoping to squeeze EuroDisney in for a few days during our time in Scotland), return to London on the 17th and fly home again on the 19th. We're flying with Emirates and have a stop-over in Dubai, which is not ideal and it's 2 long flights (works out to about 20 hours travel time), but it was half the price of flying direct on either SAA or BA. I can't wait!!! Wendy, hope we can catch up with you and Lily for coffee sometime!!

Lots of love, Sue xxx

PS. Anch, sorry I didn't make it to the picnic, I hope you all had lots of fun. I was just too exhuasted to think and had to get my sister home too.

A new day...

Well, I'm happy to report, I went to the doctor on Monday and I'm back on anti-depressants! Funny how I knew I needed them, but it was actually quite emotional putting the first lot down my throat. I guess it just makes me feel a bit like I'm sliding back a bit down the ladder I've been climbing up. At the same time, though, what's the rush? I have my whole life ahead of me (I hope) to get my head sorted out. I can't believe how exhausted I'm still feeling though. Yesterday I was literally unable to focus properly on my computer screen at work (even with the assistance of a Red Bull). Today, I am feeling a bit more awake then I did yesterday, but would still give anything to be able to go home and curl up again under my duvet (or on top of it in this weather). So, fingers crossed that within the next couple of days, I'll be used to the drugs and won't feel so "zonked" all the time!

As for Jake, he had another vomit-free swimming lesson yesterday, which makes it now 3 in a row. Whoo-hoo! Watching him in the water, I can definitely see that he's starting to re-gain some of his confidence in the water. He was even brave enough to dive in off the side of the pool (it's too cute for words!), which made my heart leap with joy! His teacher is letting him go to swim short distances on his own and he's putting his whole face in the water now too without complaining. His absolute favourite activity is diving for fish off the bottom step. I think we're finally getting there. In some ways, I'm glad that he's aware of the dangers of water - it makes him very cautious, but at the same time, it's great to see him enjoying himeself again!

Lastly, I just wanted to say thanks to all my blog readers for your kind thoughts.

Love, Sue xxx

A vent...

I love kids movies. I love the fiction and fantasy and all that is expressed within them. So, on Friday morning I couldn't wait to get to the post office to collect "my" new movie, Arthur and the Invisibles (http://www.amazon.co.uk/Arthur-Invisibles-Robert-Niro/dp/B000MTE938/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=gateway&qid=1200900740&sr=8-1), that I'd ordered on Amazon weeks ago. Friday night, we bought popcorn and readied ourselves to enjoy our new movie. We were literally about to hit play (around 6ish), when the power went out. The lights only came on again around 8pm, Jake was still up though, so we watched the movie anyway. It was brilliant and Jake has watched it about 3 times since. Honestly, though, I wish Eskom would get their act together. While I realise that, business-wise, it is more convenient to have power cuts during the evenings, when most people aren't working, 6pm's dinner time for most and it's really inconvenient! It's a nightmare and just makes one realise that South Africa is still very much a third world country, even though it feels very first world at times.

On Saturday morning, Jake & I went to the 2 Oceans Aquarium (http://www.aquarium.co.za/) with our wonderful friends, Wesley and Lizelle, and their little girl, Lara-Lyn. They're here on holiday for 10 days from the Northern Cape, so it's great to catch up with them again. Wes was one of the best men at our wedding and he's so great with Jake.

Jake and the Pelican

Lara-Lyn and the Penguin

Jake inside the 'Nemo' tank

Eating sweeties (yes, he inherited my sweet tooth)

Jake & Lara-Lyn

I had a wedding on Saturday night (Jacques' cousin) and it was actually a flippin' difficult one. For so many reasons. First and most, I couldn't handle looking up and not seeing Jacques there. Second, weddings no longer hold that same excitement for me. They're unbelievably stressful and even while I have learnt not to worry about them before hand, they're still tough as hell to actually sit though. The exchanging of vows and the excited feeling the bride and groom share, just reminds me of all that I've had and lost. And how when we got married, we simply took it for granted that we'd grow old together. I have an overwhelming urge to shake the happy couple and remind them never to stress about the small things in life, not to fight over the petty things, to enjoy every second that they share with one another, to make happy memories together, and remind them that you just never know (thank god) what lies around the corner. Jacques and I had a wonderful life together (we were spoilt) and we were so happy in our marriage. I hope that all married people get to share that, even if just for a short time. Anyway, back to the wedding. It all started, with the minister acknowleding all family members who are no longer here. Needless to say, I couldn't concentrate for trying not to make a blubbering idiot out of myself. The speeches were OK (by then I'd had a glass of champagne and half a glass of wine). The first dance brought tears and I hid in the bathroom with my sister-in-law for 10 minutes while I composed myself. The outcome is that I am going to the doctor again today to go back onto the anti-depressants that I was on for a year after Jacques died. I do not intend to use these for a long time, but my sister's getting married on 23 Feb and if Saturday night was anything to go by, I'm going to end up spoiling her happy day with my tears. Besides that, I think that my biggest sign at the moment that I am depressed is that I just want to sleep all the time (I'd think I was pregnant if I didn't know better). I wake up exhausted and at night, I want to crawl into bed at 7pm. In all seriousness, am hating work at the moment and I just need to pull myself straight.

Anyway, on a happier note (promise not to always write miserable blogs, that's 2 in a row...), just when I was feeling down, I picked this up off another blog and thought I'd give it a try - http://www.flarn.com/~warlock/tarot/. This was my result:

You are The Wheel of Fortune

Good fortune and happiness but sometimes a species of intoxication with success The Wheel of Fortune is all about big things, luck, change, fortune. Almost always good fortune. You are lucky in all things that you do and happy with the things that come to you. Be careful that success does not go to your head however. Sometimes luck can change.

So, hopefully I'll start to feel more positive about things in the next few days. Thanks to medical technology!!

Yesterday, we spent the day with the out-laws (Jacques' dad replaced my brakes and serviced my car for me!!) and had a braai (BBQ) in the evening with my folks. Lazed in front of the TV, till I couldn't keep my peepers open for another second.

I'll end off with some happy photos of Jake...

Hope you all had a fabulous weekend!

Lots of love xxx

Happy!

Well, Jake seemed to get on pretty well at school today. His teachers said that he was really good and that he played very nicely with the other kids (phew - no kicking or boxing). One said he almost gave her heart failure though on the jungle gym, because he's so unafraid and so confident on it. She called him the 'monkey boy'. Needless to say, when I arrived, he was very happy to see me and ran across the room to fetch his bag before running to me for a cuddle. So, looks like the new school's a hit and it seems as though Jake is going to enjoy it there. I'm so relieved!! Unfortunately, even though my office is 2 minutes down the road from the school, I won't be fetching and carrying him on a daily basis, which I hate. I actually feel quite cheated as a mother, that I can't be around more to enjoy my son, I've already missed out on him as a baby. I'd give almost anything to have a half day job, so that I could have more time with Jake. Before I know it, he's going to be a sulky, sleeping teen - heaven help me! xxx

My big boy...

Well, today's the start of a new school year, the beginning of a new term and a new school for Jake. Last year this time, I was heartbroken over the thought of having left my child in a stranger's care for the first time ever. This year, he was just sooooo excited to be going back to school, that my heart is flying with happiness. While his previous school was run from someone's garage and only had 10 kids (it was fabulous and he had a ball there, his teachers were amazing), his new school has between 18 and 25 kids, with 3 teachers and is run from a church in our street. It's got a huge play area outside, with 2 big jungle gyms and a big sandpit. Jake woke up this morning, yelling "I'm going to my new school today" and has been so excited all morning. When I dropped him off, he held my hand up the path, went in and put his bag down on his special hook. His teacher (who he knows already), took his hand and took him outside where one of the boys from his "old" school was playing. Jake saw Luke, said "bye mommy", gave me a kiss and was off. I am thrilled that he's happy - there's nothing worse then leaving your child unhappy. It's great that he's got a friend with from his previous school and they get on like a house on fire. Still, I can't wait to go fetch him at 12 and to hear all about his day! Here are some photos taken this morning... Other then that, we've had our pool heated with solar panels. Jake hasn't wanted to put his foot in it up until now, but is loving the water since we've had it warmed up a little! It's still quite fresh, but takes the nip off. Honest, with all the hassles I've had with him and swimming, I'm just too happy to see him enjoying the water again. It's been a long hard road and unfortunately, he was fed too much information about his dad's death from when he was too little and it's just caused endless problems with his swimming. Up until now, he vomits every time he swallows a drop of water and he is really very scared about drowning. He had his first swimming lesson of the year yesterday and didn't get sick, so fingers crossed that we're breaking through this psycological barrier. People just don't realise the damage they cause... Some pictures of Jake enjoying our pool over the weekend: Hope you're all well. Will report back again after 12, once I've picked Jake up from school! XXX

Catching up again...

Well, Christmas has been and gone and it's 2008 alredy! Fingers crossed that this year will go a little slower then the last. I keep thinking that by this time next year, Jake will be 4 1/2 and on his way to pre-school! Scary...

So much has been happening since my last post weeks and weeks ago and I have only just finished catching up on reading everyone else's news. Our offices were closed from 21 December - 3 Jan and it was a wonderful break, a bit busy, but much better then work would've been! We literally ran from beginning to end and really only had one day at home to just relax beside the pool. Still, all good and it was great catching up with friends and family. As per usual, we all ate and drank way too much and are suffering the consequences. I have to be a bridesmaid at Joanne & Paul's wedding in 6 1/2 weeks time and have some serious bulges to get rid of before then (yes - between Greece and Christmas, I've put on 5kgs - horrific!!).

So, holiday festivities and lots of photos...

Christmas Eve was spent with the in-laws. Since Jacques died and Jake and I live with my folks, I always give them the choice over when they'd like to have us at Christmas. Josette (my sister-in-law) and her family were to be with the other side of their family on Christmas day, so my mom-in-law decided to have us on Christmas Eve, so we could all be together. There were no less then 37 people for dinner!!! It was chaos, but with the help of a little (OK, a lot) of champagne, it all went off OK. Jake got to bed way too late, but enjoyed it all so much this year. After our dinner, we went home to put out goodies for Father Christmas and his reindeers - Jake's face was just priceless. He was so excited, his eyes were literally shining. Kids really do make it all so special.

Christmas Eve - putting out food and drinks for Father Christmas and his reindeers... Jake hiding in his sack on Christmas Eve... Showing off his sack... Christmas morning, Jake slept until 7:30 (YES!!). It took him a few moments to register that it was Christmas morning, but when he realised what day it was, he literally flew out of bed and ran around the house waking the rest of the family and making sure that Father Christmas had actually been. He was very concerned the night before, about the fact that we don't have a chimney, but our neighbours do. Anyway, he was thrilled with all his presents and even got a new grape vine for his garden! He spent the morning playing with his water pistols and bow & arrows and aeroplanes, it was such a high.

Presents! It's a watch! Finding his grapevine on Christmas morning... So proud of his new vine - don't you think he looks like Jacques here? Lunch was HUGE to say the least. My mom put on a serious spread for us (I helped a little!) and always tries out new things. This year we did a combination of both hot and cold foods. Somehow, even when you're just having teeny bits of everything, by the time you sit down to eat, your plate is piled sky high. Still, I managed seconds and dessert (see how I managed to pick up all this weight). After popping in at my Aunt's house and spending the early evening with his second cousins, Jake was just so exhausted, but he had a happy Christmas and that's what counted!

Our Christmas lunch spread... Christmas Day lunch with my mom, Joanne, Jake & Me on one side; my dad, Joanne's fiance - Paul, Paul's mom, Rosanne and Gareth hiding behind the flowers... Jake (on your right) with my two cousin's kids... The next day was my mom's birthday, so it's always a re-run of Christmas food. We stuff ourselves again and, again, drink far too much wine...

Skipping on to New Year - Jake and I decided that we were going to have a quiet one this year. To be honest, I find the festive season very difficult to deal with. While everyone expects you to be happy and merry, it's damned difficult pretending all the time. And it's exhausting to say the least. I find I'm really ratty and difficult to be around (and I know I am, I can feel it), but I still try to smile and get on with it. Jake does take some of the edge off things and he definitely makes things fun, but that doesn't detract from the fact that Jacques' not here to share it with us and I find it really tough. Every second of it's a challenge to me. Anyway, New Year's Eve's always been really difficult for me. My mom's family's Scottish (well her dad's side anyway. Difficult old man that he was) and their tradition's generally to make a bigger fuss out of the New Year then over Christmas. I don't enjoy it and it makes me want to cry. So, this year, I pretended it didn't happen. I made a nice dinner for Jake - a platter of all the foods he enjoys (little sausages, smoked salmon(!), olives, cherry tomatoes, feta, blueberries, strawberries, chicken pieces, pumpkin fritters - it was delish!). We bought some non-alcoholic champagne, set the table and had the most wonderful candle-lit dinner with each other. Everyone else was out, so it was just us. After dinner, we watched Toy Story and ate dessert, which was the MOST delicious chocolate pudding from Woolies. It's a cake thing that you bake in the oven, filled with Belgian chocolate - too yummy for words. Again, see how I managed to get fat? We were in bed at 10:30, read stories till 11:00 and I passed out at 11:20 only to be woken with "happy new year!" phone calls just after mid-night. Success ;)

In between we spent a day/night visiting my in-laws at their camp site in Kommetjie where they took up residence for most of December. I was spoilt by them with fresh crayfish for dinner that my child stole from me. He's just amazing with what he's prepared to eat or just try. He stole all the legs, which I love and then had everyone in fits of laughter when he told me to "hurry up mommy, my mouth's just watering for that" when I was getting the tail ready to eat. Nice. So I basically ended up having salad for supper.

Other then that, besides general run-of-the-mill stuff, there's not much happening in my life. Been doing quite a bit of work for Jo's wedding and we're busy planning a kitchen tea, but I can't tell you anything about it, because she reads my blog from time to time. mmm... Jake's due to start school again on Wednesday next week. He's going to be starting at a new school and he seems quite excited about it. He'll be there from 8:00 - 12:00, which works out quite nicely - I'll at least be able to drop him off before I start work now. YAY!

Shame, he's such a sweet little thing now days. Cheeky and naughty, but he's just too cute for words. I could just about eat him up!! He's been a little naughty with regards to sneaking into my bed during the night. I really don't mind, it's not like there's anyone else in my bed and it's nice to have the company. I do think that he needs to stay in his own bed though, so have been trying to teach him that it's only OK to come to my bed when the sun comes up. Seems to be working well so far. Still, when he's in my bed with me and wakes up before me, he literally kisses me awake - it's too precious. He sends flutters of kisses up and down my arms and on my cheeks, sometimes I pretend I'm still asleep just to enjoy it for a few more moments. He got a new helmet for his bike for Christmas, so we've been spending quite a bit of time riding bike in the street. We're trying to teach him the basic rules of the road - keep left, put your hand up when you stop (he shouts "stopping" at the same time) and to signal when he's turning. He's still on fairy wheels but every now-and-then mentions that they need to come off. So, my latest sport is jogging and he makes me run quite far next to his speedy little bike. Actually, I can't believe how much energy he's got in those tiny little legs. We do about 3 or 4km at a time. One way of losing weight.

Riding his bike with his new helmet on Christmas morning... And, of course, he's still spending lots of time working in his little veggie garden and we actually had his carrots for our Christmas lunch (he picked them on Christmas Eve!).

Picking Carrots for our Christmas lunch... Full harvest... He's also got flowers on his watermelon and butternut plants and his bean plants are getting new little beans too. He's got a greenpepper that seems to be growing by the minute.

So, without boring you to death, that's all our news. Glad to hear from all your blogs that everyone had a good Christmas and I hope that 2008 will be a very happy, exciting year for all!!

Heaps of love, Sue xxx Some other general holiday photos: Joanne, Paul, Jake & I at Uncle Paul's Party... Jake & Michael waiting for thier names to be read out by Father Christmas at Uncle Paul's party... Decorating the tree... Our Christmas candles again... Rosanne and Gareth at Hartenberg (celebrating Rosie passing her diploma in Food Technology)... Jake getting stuck into MY chicken drumstick and loving it... At Hartenberg's Dam... Cheeky boy... Jake & Rosanne's boyfriend, Gareth... Time for a haircut... After... Camping in the garden... Jake feeding the dogs - Amber (ridgeback), Sasha (staffie) and Duracell (Jack Russell-something-or-other)... Picnic at Oude Libertas Open Air Theater with friends and family...