Moving forward...

I have so much that I want to write about, but I'm just not getting to my blog at all at the moment.  It's in the pipeline to get myself set up with some sort of Internet connection at home soon, so hopefully I'll be better about updating when I can do it when I have more time!

This week has been a biggie for us and I'm exhausted.  I feel completely drained today, like just lifting my arms is hard - I'm really, really glad that it's Friday!!

I've made the huge step this week to take Jake to see a clinical psychologist, to try help sort out a few issues that I'm having with him.  I personally am not a huge fan of psychologists - we all have issues and have to learn to live with them - but I hate seeing Jake unhappy and I'll do whatever I can to help him!  Mostly, I've been concerned about the meds he's on and so I'm just looking for a second, professional opinion.  Jake seems incredibly wound up in the evenings, very subdued and serious during the day.  He's so quiet, I sometimes forget he's there.  I hate it!  And at night, he's awake until 11 most nights (1am on Saturday!) - for a kid who loves his sleep (and a mommy who does too), this isn't working at all.  It means that it's difficult to get him going in the mornings too; he just wants to sleep.  In the evenings after lights out at 8:30, Jake is continuously looking for my attention.  He talks and wants to know what I'm doing/watching/eating/going to bed - until he knows I'm asleep.  He can get quite rude with me at times.  I feel like I'm not in control and that he's a bit out of control.  It's out of character and I feel like he's just not my Jake at the moment.  It's making me very sad.

In the same breath, I think that this is honestly mostly my fault!  Jake's used to having my undivided attention.  He's a spoiled brat (with my time!).  It's been tough for him to learn that I have other people in my life who are important too and that in the evenings, after he's had me all to himself all day, it's my time.  And don't let me get started on his behaviour when Marius is there!  Moving forward, I've been told that I need to completely ignore him in the evenings - do you have any idea how hard that is?  Not to even tell him to shhhh when he starts to irritate me???!  It's in these moments that it's toughest to be a single mom.  It would be so much easier if there was someone there to help me ignore him!  To egg me on and to take over while I take a break.  Thank goodness for wine and chocolate, right!?

Jake's very aware that what he's doing is unacceptable and during the day he will apologise and tell me that he doesn't know how to control himself.  He's a bright boy, so he knows!  And he hates making me sad and he hates getting into trouble.  So, fingers crossed that this is just a stage and that with the psychologist's help, we've reached a turning point.  He's really embarrassed about it.  We have a decent reward system going, which should hopefully inspire a bit of good behavior.  Jake's a tweenie now, so the hormones are lining up at gates and I know that I need to regain some control before Jake hits his teens - before he's bigger than me, which isn't far off!

Jake is an amazing boy, but I feel like there's a little spark that's disappeared from him and between us at the moment.  This week has been better than previous, so like I said, moving onwards and upwards.

Hope you have a lovely weekend!

Love Sue XXX

Out of sync...

I love this boy.  He drives me crazy like you won't believe, but I do love him with all my heart!

It's been a busy week and we're fully back in routine now with all sporting and extramural activities.  I went to a parent/teacher meeting with Jake's new teacher, Mrs van der Westhuizen, who's been teaching at his school since I was there!!  She's old school - firm, but encouraging and I love it.  She's given the parents great tips for in and around the house, for helping her achieve her goals with our kids.  We've used the week to implement a few and so far so good.  Jake now does his homework on his own at his desk in his room and I check it for him when he's done.  He was doing it at the dining room table, with me sitting, helping.  Truth be told - I don't quite know what to do with myself while he's working quietly on his own any more.  It's so good for him to be able to go and put his music on and do it in his own time.

This week has been a hard one for me and it has felt at times as though Jake and I are very out of sync with each other.  I don't like it - I like our home to be calm and happy as it can be.  Life is rushed, so it's not always so.  Our lack of sync this week has kept me awake at night and so I'm exhausted.How do you discipline your kids.  What punishments/rewards do you use?  Do they get the odd whack if they need it?  Do you reward them, or bribe them?  I've tried just about everything I can think of.  Taking away games and TV time seems to hurt the most.

That said, I don't like punishment and I don't like shouting. I prefer to talk to Jake and get him to hear where I'm coming from.  It doesn't always work out that way though...

 I don't like being ignored or spoken to rudely.  I have never hit Jake (besides the lummy he got on his arm last night for not listening and for being disrespectful!) and I do usually prefer working with a reward system, rather than punishing, but sometimes, when rewards don't work, punishing is the only way.  It's a work in progress (for all parents, I think) and its a lot of hard work, especially as a single mom.  It's frustrating and you hope that you're making the right decisions, but you never really know.  Marius gives me heaps of support, but the final decisions are mine.  And let's face it... we all do things differently.  I know I give too many warnings, I speak too many times before I get upset, but when I get upset, Jake knows he's in the dog box!  And when I start threatening boarding school, because what we're doing at home isn't working and we're both unhappy, then he really knows he's crossed that invisible line with me.

Most of the time, Jake is a wonderful boy to live with.  He's funny and kind and caring and loving and so smart beyond words, but it's those odd moments when he turns into a pitbull that make me upset.  Don't get me wrong, I love mischievous, just not rude.

Marius shared this link with us last night - it had me in tears...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BOksW_NabEk

Hope you all have a good, restful weekend!

Love,

Sue XXX