This morning we had a funeral. I hate funerals, but this one was unavoidable - one of Jake's good friends lost his mom to cancer last week. It came suddenly to us, but she's been ill for a long time. She obviously wanted to keep it quiet and so she just slowly withdrew from the side of the sports fields and her husband became more and more present. My heart is broken for her son, who kept his mom's illness a secret from all his friends for years...
Sadly, this is the second funeral in just about as many months that Jake's had to go to. Another of his close friends lost her mom a couple of months ago, also to cancer. This came just 2 years after this same friend's dad died of a heart attack. Out of thier group of 8 kids, 4 parents are dead. That's scary.
My heart is so heavy for these children who have had to grow up so suddenly and so harshly. I can't help but ask why? I know how awful it is to get over losing someone you love. Can you ever get over grief? It sucks and it physically hurts like someone's driving a knife right through your chest. 'Heartsore' is a very real thing. My heart is hurting so badly for Jake's friend, who was so unbelievably brave this morning and his mom would've been so proud of him, if not completely heartbroken by the fact that he had to go through any of this at all. Today I was very aware of the fact that although Jake's dad is dead and it hasn't been easy for him growing up without a dad, he was spared the grief of losing Jacques because he was so little at the time. As sad as it makes me that he doesn't know his amazing father, he doesn't know that ache of losing someone you love.
Seeing his friends losing parents has brought it home for Jake, that none of us is immortal. Bad things do happen to good people and life is fragile. Jake is terrified of something happening to me and not having any parents left. He is blessed to have amazing grandparents and my folks have been rock stars in helping me raise him into the super cool teen that he is, so it gives me peace of mind knowing he'd be taken care of if anything happened to me, but the thought of my child's heart ever hurting that much is enough to break mine.
Sending love
Sue xxx
PS. I'm don't want a funeral or a memorial when I die. No need to put my nearest and dearest through that trauma on top of everything!!
