This Friday Photo: Texture

OK, so I'm not 100% sure that this fits the theme, but anyway, here goes. This is a sunflower we had in a vase in our lounge. Taken with my Nikon D80 and my Nikon f2.8 105mm macro lens...

Last Friday's Photo: Fun

Last week Tuesday, I came home to this:

Jake had gotten bored sometime during the day and was very proud of the work of art he'd created on the back of his bedroom door. From left to right it's a shark, a bird, a tree, a South African Flag and a jelly fish. All created with face paints (who in their right mind bought those for my 4 year old's birthday) and beautifully decorated with silver glitter glue. Sorry, not the greatest quality photo and I don't have time to do anything about it right now. Needless to say, bad mother that I am, I was pretty chuffed with his creation and I'm not in any rush to remove it from the door. Actually, I wish I could protect it and keep to show his own kids one day when they draw all over his walls. And, on the bright side, at least it wasn't poo that he was painting with. And he's just so darned proud of it...

XXX

I've just...

I had to go to the bank for work, there was no Q, so I didn't feel bad sticking my head in at Woolworths. In about 5 minutes (including Q time), I bought 2 thin jerseys (or jersies?) - one pink, one orange, a white top, a pair of very light grey pants, leggings (yes, for me!), a red handbag (I believe they're the thing to have this winter and it doesn't matter what colour shoes you wear with them!) and 2 necklaces. What a rush, I feel giddy. For someone who wishes she could do all her shopping online so that she never has to put a foot inside a shopping center, I didn't do too badly, did I?

Hope you all have a great weekend!!

Lots of love, Sue

XXX

So...

I bumped into Doug last night. Remember him? Some of you might - I dated him for about 5 months too long, not very long after Jacques died. It was about 1 1/2 years after and in hind sight that was far, fff-aaaaaaaaaa-rrrrr too soon. Doug was fun and I managed to convince myself that I was enjoying the adventure, partly with stars in my eyes. Again, in hind sight, I think that it was me trying to pretend that I was OK, which I wasn't, that I'd moved on and was ready to start my life over again. It was nice to be cared for, although not pampered - Doug never had money. At the age of 30, he was still a student. Studying to become a teacher at that. Shame, he'll always be poor. Not that money impresses me in the slightest, but it would be nice not to feel continually like I was living on the edge. It would've been like that if I'd stayed with Doug. Anyway, it was nice to have someone's hand to hold again when I went out. I felt protected, kind of.

Doug was always a player and has a string of ex-girlfriends as long as the street outside. Instead of this being a warning sign to me, I guess it sort of made him easy bait. And he somehow manages to stay friends with ex-girlfriends, which I found very threatening. I could not bring myself to trust him. Anyway, he is very good friends with Wes, who was best man to Jacques at our wedding. So, Doug's getting married on Saturday and Wes & Lizelle are here for the wedding, which is in De Doorns. Wes is going to be Doug's bestman. Doug's getting married. Kinda weird, you'd think, but I feel completely nothing about it. Honest. When I saw him last night and he looked at me a little too deeply, I realised more then ever, how pleased (and lucky) I am that I saw through our relationship early enough not to have fallen into it for the long haul. I don't trust him and I never could and that was the biggest down fall in our relationship. Oh, and I didn't like him disciplining Jake. Not the actual act of him doing the disciplining, but the way he did it. I hated it when he whined "Jaaaaaaaayyyyyk, listen to your mommmy". And he was always tickling Jake and winding him up, which used to drive me mad. I really don't mind people putting Jake in his place if he needs it, but there's a certain way you deal with little kids. Jake was 2 at the time.

Anyway, please don't read this as me being sour grapes, I'm really, really not. I'm VERY relieved that it's not me. Not that I wouldn't like to settle down and get married and have a couple more kids. I just don't feel anything over the fact that Doug's getting married...

XXX

The weekend...

The weekend has come and gone - far too quickly. It was an exhausting weekend, but Jake had a ball and we were both spoilt beyond words. We were up early on Saturday morning, getting things ready for the party and the morning literally flew by. Jake was not impressed that it was my birthday on his birthday party day - it was so bad, that when a couple of friends sang happy birthday to me right at the end of the party, he walked away with his hands on his ears. Brat. By Saturday evening, once we'd cleaned up and all our guests had gone home, I was finished. We got Chinese take-outs and put a movie on. About 30 minutes into it, I started to fall asleep, so went to bed. I was asleep well before 9 'o clock. Much to my sisters' disgust - they'd expected me to go out and celebrate. Never mind that that was all I'd done all day. Actually, having Jake's party on my birthday was heaps of fun and made the day really festive. Plus, I spent it with so many friends, it was really great.

I must also say here (and I'm not sure where to put this in my post, so sorry if it's a bit out of place), but I am SO convinced that Jacques was with us at Jake's party. Firstly, I had a tiny white feather drift down as the first guests arrived. Those of you who know me, know that I believe quite strongly that feathers are symbolic of the presence of angels. Especially little white ones that appear unexpectedly in odd places. Just seems to me that this one was there for me to notice. Secondly, a very close friend's child said to her during the party - "mommy look at the pretty lights around the jumping castle". She asked him what he'd said, he repeated, she asked what lights and he told her "never mind". Very weird and these two little stories have convinced me that Jacques was there looking down on us, far closer then we realised. Emotionally, the day went really well for me - my birthday is way easier to face then Jake's. I guess mine doesn't hold the promises that Jake's birth held for us 4 years ago and I tend to harp on that on Jake's birthday.

Anyway, Sunday was a lazy day at home with Jake. We got up and baked (cake for me to bring to work) and then got stuck into cleaning out his bedroom. I'd just dumped all his new toys in his room on Saturday. We literally spent the entire morning and most of the afternoon, opening boxes, putting batteries in things, testing out new games and finding new homes for all his new things. And boy, oh boy, was he spoilt. We also watched a DVD and he rode his bike a bit. We played in the garden (me with my camera). The weather on Saturday was unbelievably perfect and yesterday, although warm, was overcast and threatening a storm most of the day, with a bit of rain in the evening.

And, without any further rambling, here are my photos from the weekend. Completely unedited in anyway, I know some need a bit of adjusting and fixing up, but I just wanted to get them up. I like the ones of Jake & I, because I'm always behind the camera, I don't get that many of the 2 of us...

All decked out and ready for the kids to arrive...

Jake, Jodie & Maia (Jodie's younger sister). My son likes older women (me included). I just hope he grows...

Singing happy birthday. These are about 1/3 of the guests...

Jake cutting up his cake for his friends...

The first piece of cake...

Jake & Jodie (she's his girlfriend)...

Jake jumped almost non-stop from Friday night, until Saturday evening when they came to collect the jumping castle again...

Me being attacked by some of the kids on the jumping castle...

The birthday kids...

Bubbles - thanks Jo & Paul for the donation, I'm really glad they forgot to put these out at your wedding...

A very happy birthday boy...

The present carnage begins. That's my sister, Jo behind us - she's the one who got married in Feb...

This one is a space monster blaster and it took up a large portion of play time yesterday. He thinks it's hysterical...

Who's more excited. Rebecca, Jake or me?

Trying to figure out how to open a sticky hand (remember those?). Warning - don't stand on them in the dark, they are cold and slimey and disgusting...

Me being spoilt. And acting like a clown...

Jake trying to figure out a can of deoderant that he got given by a friend. He loves it...

Tucking into the biggest piece of cake he could find...

No wheels...

Measuring to see how tall he's gotten in a year...

Getting his head straight so we don't miss a hair. Is that terror or excitement in his eyes?

OK, the lines are feint. My "growth chart" is to the right of Jake's. He's about half way between my height between 4 and 5. And he's grown quite a chunk since last year. Phew...

Lots of love, Sue xxx

4 years...

I can't believe I'm actually putting some of these photos on. Looking back, I can't believe I was ever this chubby. Or unattractive. Besides the bump, of course. I loved that. But seriously, look at my cheeks. Ok, it was 5:27am on a Sunday morning and I'd hardly slept and I didn't even have my mascara on (I never go anywhere without mascara). What the heck was I thinking? That nobody would take photos of me?? Anyway, me aside. Today's Jake's 4th birthday. I can't believe how the time has flown by and when I look at these pictures, it feels like just the other day that he came into our lives as a tiny, helpless bundle.

4 years ago, at this stage, I was already well into my labour and probably enjoying a few moments rest as the epidural that I'd been given just after 11 worked its 2 hours of magic (yes, it was very short-lived magic, but it was nice for a bit). Jacques and I didn't know whether our baby was to be a boy or a girl and we were both just so excited when he popped out as a little boy. Jacques cried, I cried, Jake screamed. We phoned our respective families to relay the good news and our families rushed through to visit us. Jake was born at 17:40 and the hospital visiting time was at 19:00. It was really great that everyone could be with us right from the first moments of Jake's life. We were on such a high! Today is, naturally, quite a topsy turvy day for me, emotionally. I think one's children's birthdays just generally are. In amongst my own personal emotions, I'm also very excited to be sharing today with Jake and he is VERY excited about being 4. I'm not working in town this afternoon, so will be heading home in 15 mins to go spend some special time with my "baby" on his big day.

This morning, Jake was up at 6:15, with my parents singing happy birthday to him, as they used to do for my sisters and I. Jake thoroughly enjoyed his present opening and is very chuffed with his gifts. I'm not sure what we'll be doing this afternoon, but tonight we're having pizza for supper (Jake's choice) and tomorrow morning, we've got his party at 11:30. We've all be working really hard to make it extra special for him this year - there aren't many years when one can overdo it for them, so I feel I have to make it special while I can. Also, being my only child, I think I am entitled to overdo it. So, then just to say a very happy birthday to my darling big boy, Jake, I hope that you continue to have a wonderful time as we all enjoy spoiling you today. I love you with all my heart, Mommy xxx

Oh, also to Lee and Roo - happy birthday to you both. I hope you are both spoilt this weekend too. I'll definitely be having a drink (or 2 or 3) on you both as we celebrate this weekend! Quite a weekend for birthdays, isn't it??

And here are my photos for Jake's birthday today...

This is me 5 1/2 hours into labour (please, please, please don't look anywhere above my shoulders. And if you do, please don't judge me, I was in labour.)...

Out of the oven and into the bath. Sorry, it's a bit blurred, I didn't take the photos. Check how blue his hands and feet were. I didn't even notice, but he did go into an incubator over night...

This is probably one of my favourite photos from the day Jake was born - I could still just about eat that little face right up...

Our happy little family the morning after...

Jake opening presents this morning - check out those just opened over-excited beautiful eyes...

I took this yesterday of Jake looking after a baby one of my mom's customer's is caring for until he goes to his new adoptive parents. He's a HIV orphan, but is HIV free. Jake was quite keen to keep him...

This is what my mom and I were doing until just before midnight last night. Bet the kids won't even appreciate it... Lots of love and birthday wishes, Sue xxx

Friday Photo: Oh so BBC Food

I took this of my starter at dinner club on Tuesday evening. Cauliflower & Hazelnut Ravioli...

Friday Photo: Life is but a walking shadow

So I'm really late with this one, but I feel that it's more appropriate to my week and how I am feeling, specifically today. I know it's not the best photo ever, but for me it's quite poignant, showing Jake's 'shadow' looking through the glass at the aquarium at life under the sea. He loves the aquarium, which is quite ironic, considering how his father died. I like to believe that he'll grow up content to look at marine life through the glass, rather then beneathe the waves of our seas...

Today is quite a tough day for me. It's Jake's birthday tomorrow and I can't help but go through every second of the days leading up to his birthday, remember what was and what should've been. Jake's going through quite a rough patch himself at the moment and I think that my emotions are rubbing off on him. He's very "clingy" at the moment and cries when I go out. At our monthly dinner club, I had him on the phone in tears because I wasn't coming home. He's also started saying that he doesn't want to go to school, which he's always loved and is obviously a concern for me. This morning, after I left for work, my mom found him crying quietly in his room. He told her that he wanted me to come home again. My mom warned his teacher that he's feeling a bit sensitive this morning and mentioned that he's upset about something. They chatted a bit and my mom mentioned that he's clinging to me at the moment. The kids learnt a song for mother's day, it goes "Happy mother's day, just for you, just for you, just for you. Happy mother's day just for you. I love you. Hugs and kisses all day long, all day long, all day long, hugs and kisses all day long. I love you." This week, they changed the words and sang the song for their dads. I want to cry just thinking about my son singing this song to his dad. What went through his little mind? So, I think that this in combination with Jake's up coming birthday and his knowledge that his dad was at his birth, but is no longer here, has made Jake realise so deeply that he only has one parent and that if he loses me, he's got no one. He's started talking about the other kids parents a lot too now, so is very aware of his little world. He's also very aware of life and death at the moment and about age - he's forever telling me I'm still young, so he's obviously worried about it.

Anyway, he's a very loved, very special little thing and we all adore him more then he could ever imagine. I've completely spoilt him for his birthday and I hope that he's going to enjoy his enormous party on Saturday. I've worked very hard to make it a happy day for him. I'm only working till lunch time tomorrow, so will have the whole day with him! YAY!

XXX

3 weeks back...

Well, well – I’ve been a very busy girl. So busy in fact, that I haven’t even had a chance to read any of my favourite blogs over the last few weeks. I am still working at my sister’s office in the afternoons, much to my permanent boss’s disgust. I think he’s afraid that I’ll resign to go work with Joanne permanently. And, while I have enjoyed the challenge and change of scenery, I really do like my half day job far too much to even think about going next door. So, the new lady started on Monday morning and by Wednesday she’d already handed in her resignation (my personal opinion is that she over-sold herself and couldn’t cope), so I’m helping out for another month. They really do need someone to fill the position urgently (anyone looking for a job in the city centre?) ‘cos I’ve told them I’m only staying till the end of this month. We’ll see. The extra money is coming in handy towards my holiday, which is at the end of next month! I can’t believe how quickly the time is flying by!

Besides thinking about our upcoming birthdays and holidays, it’s been a very busy time for Jake too. Over the last few weeks, he’s learnt how to whistle, has mastered the monkey bars,

and has learnt to ride his bike without fairy wheels!! He's still battling a bit with starting and stopping, so I still have to run alongside him, but he can balance!!!

I’m very proud of him and I really do think that all of these are pretty good accomplishments for a kid his age. He’s a very determined little soul, little bull that he is, and once he puts his mind to something, he just doesn’t let up until he’s got the knack. (See, all us mommies really do think our own kids are the most intelligent, advanced beings ever created...)

We’ve also been out and about quite a bit. With the two long weekends at the end of April/beginning of May and one 2 day week, we’ve been able to do tons. The first long weekend at the end of April, saw us going through to Kommetjie to camp with the outlaws (just for 1 night) which was really good fun, albeit unbelievably cold inside a tent (I slept in longsleeves, with a shawl wrapped around me, a duvet, a jacket over the duvet and another blanket over that and was still freezing!!). Jake always has a ball there, since his cousins are normally there too. My father-in-law took the kids and I on a train trip from Simon’s Town to Muizenberg and back. The kids loved it, but it was quite an experience. We missed our train back to Simon’s Town after walking around Muizenberg for 20 minutes, so went to the restaurant above the station for coffee. We came very close to missing our second train too – Jake’s cousins were on though and we were running up behind them trying to catch the train before it left with them and without us (they’re only 5 & 7). Jake lost a shoe somewhere in the rush and was screaming blue murder until the train actually left. Thankfully some kind old soul realized what the problem was and tossed Jake’s shoe in through the closing doors. My nerves were shattered. Anyway, traveling by rail in South Africa is always a bit of an experience and the people who join you en route are always a bit dodgy. It was really cheap though (R11.50 per adult return, kids under 6 travel free and kids over 6, pay half price) and I was still brave enough to pull my camera out and take some pictures along the way. The trip from Simons Town to Muizenberg goes along the coast and you pass by such beautiful beaches along the way - the scenery is just breath-taking.

Jake & Rebecca...

View across to Simons Town Naval Base...

One of the beaches along the way...

Waiting for train number 2...

Abigail, Rebecca & Jake on Kommetjie Beach - try get 3 kids to all look at the camera at the same time, it's NOT easy. Plus, my child is just a clown...

… Aside from that, we braai’ed at home and generally just relaxed. The holiday was for Freedom day, on the 28th and we went down to the Waterfront to see the show. Jake was in a bit of a grump, but enjoyed it none-the-less.

The Cape Town Highlanders...

Jake preparing himself for the cannon fire...

A drifting smoke ring from the cannon...

The National Anthem...

This is probably the only time I could get Jake to smile all day...

See? Grump...

Oh and I did my first wedding shoot! It was for a good friend of mine, Trish, who was widowed exactly 2 months to the day after me. Her husband was killed in a motorbike accident. She met Bevan at church just over a year ago and decided there was no point in taking their time in getting married. It was a very emotional wedding, so I was really glad to have my camera to play with - kept me from listening too closly. Anyway, they weren't having a photographer unless I took some shots for her, so there was no pressure at all, which was also nice. And, thank goodness for digital photography – it’s great to be able to check on what you’ve taken and to have the freedom to take hundreds of pictures. I can't believe I've taken so long to be converted. Then again, having my D80 was totally worth the wait. I’ve also enjoyed playing around on photoshop and tweaking my shots slightly. I just feel like I know so little still...

The next weekend, which was a 4 day one at the beginning of May, saw us traveling by road to visit Wesley and Lizelle and their 2 kids. Lara-Lyn’s just turned 4 and Robert’s 3 weeks in Augrabies in the Northern Cape. Robert's an absolute giant – weighing in at 4.8kgs at birth.

Yes, my child is nearly 4 and this baby is only 3 weeks old...

<

My parents drove up with us, although I did most of the driving, which was quite something for me who prefers to snooze on the passenger seat during long car trips. The drive was uneventful, although a bit damp on the way home. Jake was an angel and actually enjoyed stopping at petrol stations along the way, eating “padkos” (junk food) and singing songs. He’s decided that he wants to learn how to play “I spy” and everything he spies starts with ‘h’ or ‘f’. Makes guessing quite difficult. He’s actually pretty good, though, when we do the spying for him, so I don’t think it’ll be too long before he gets the hang of it. Augrabies is always tons of fun, although we generally don’t do too much, except spend time with Wes and his family. Jake was really taken by the puppy they were looking after for Lizelle’s parents and I think the poor man-handled dog was quite glad to see the back of us.

Wes and Lizelle live on the Orange River and there’s a really great little camping place across the river, where they do horse-riding and game drives. We managed to get there twice - once to go horse-riding with the kids and once for a game drive. Jake absolutely loves horse-riding and was quite chuffed that he was able to sit in the saddle on his own while I lead the horse around.

The weather in Augrabies was not great, we had lots of rain and thunder storms, which I always find pretty scary, especially when I'm on a tiny boat with my child in the middle of a river such as the Orange... Our game drive was also a complete wash-out, which was not funny from the back of an open truck. Fortunately, Jake could sit inside, so he didn't get wet, but the rest of us had to freeze until we got home. Thank goodness for body-warming Muscadel.

The mighty Orange River...

Jake & Lara-Lyn in her doll's house in their garden...

A monkey in the vineyards...

The drive home was long and it rained most of the way. It’s good to be back in my own bed too.

This last weekend my folks went off to Johannesburg for my aunt’s 60th birthday. Jake & I had a wonderful weekend together. On Friday night, we hired a movie (lady & the tramp) and Jake wanted Macaroni for supper, which Woolworths kindly made up for me.

Last week I had a really tough time getting Jake out of bed in the mornings, so we decided to lie in a bit on Saturday morning. What a treat - I can't remember when last I actually lay in past 7:00. Seriously though, when my alarm goes off in the mornings during the week just before 7, he grabs me and holds on as tight as he can, telling me to sleep and not to get up yet. It's terrible and makes my getting up all the more difficult. So Saturday we lay in, then went shopping for party supplies. I have 28 kids coming!! And because Jake's birthday is on Friday and mine's on Saturday, we have a huge amount of family and family friends who've said they'll be popping in too. It's going to be crazy and I've got everything crossed that this weather perks up a little by then. Where was I? Saturday evening. I had friends around for dinner, who didn't stay too late, so I mangaged another earlish night.

Sunday was mother's day here (Happy mother's day to all the wonderful moms who read this silly blog). Jake was so excited about the gifts he'd made me, it was too sweet. Actually, on Friday when I got home from work, he came running out of his room shouting, "mommy, I've got a surprise for you, you can't go in my bedroom. (2 second pause) Wait, I'll show you. I had to convince him that although I was really excited, he needed to wait until Sunday to share it with me. He couldn't wait though, so I got my card and 2 heart biscuits on Friday evening and he managed to keep my bracelet hidden until Sunday morning. When we eventually got up and organised on Sunday, we went to visit Jacques' mom. I always feel quite heartsore for her on Mother's day, imagine having one of your kids missing from your life forever? There can be nothing worse in this world. Anyway, they made an effort to be happy and we had pancakes and champagne with them for breakfast. On Sunday afternoon we collected my parents from the airport, Jake adorned with a huge bunch of Stargazer lilies and home made card (we made them on Saturday for both grannies). My mom hardly looked in my direction, she was so excited to be reunited with her grandson. He in turn, flew into her arms and they couldn't be separated. Very sweet. We went out for dinner with my parents last night and Jake got to bed way too late, so he will be a monster by the time I get home this evening.

Jake & I last night at dinner. Note my beautiful bracelet, which is about 6 sizes too small. I've been instructed to wear it to work again today, my wrist is killing me and I think my fingers are about to start falling off from lack of circulation...

Stargazers...

Anyway, I hope you'll all forgive me for having been so quiet on my blog. I promise to try pop in a bit more often, so that you don't get blogs like this to read too often. It's just been a very hectic couple of weeks. I've got less than an hour till I leave here and I'm going to try find a moment to read some of your blogs now too...

Lots of love,

Sue xxx PS. I started this post on Friday, but didn't get a chance to upload all the photos, hopefully the date comes out for Monday, 12 May...