Busy, busy...

 The year seems to be moving along at an alarming rate at the moment - Christmas is just around the corner and I haven't even begun to do my shopping!  It seems very hard to believe that Jake is almost finished Grade 4 and will soon be starting on a new adventure with a new teacher and classroom full of new friends.  Jake's exams are well under way and he actually writes his last paper (Maths 2) on Monday.

In the build up to the end of the term, I was lucky enough to go on an outing with Jake's class (above) to the Cape Town Science Center.  Jake's teacher is wonderful and it was lovely to be able to catch up with her again too.  She does happen to be a family friend, so we don't have a traditional parent/teacher relationship.

Jake was thrilled to have me with him for a change - he even took his chances in stealing some of my coffee...

 The science center is a great way for kids to learn through play and if you haven't been, it's a trip well worth making...

 Using their minds to move a ball along a table...

 The kids took part in some boy vs girl challenges and they boys really outdid themselves.  It's so funny to see how differently the two groups work and think...

 The boys built a lot slower, but theirs was sturdier and they managed to beat the girls, who's tower kept falling over...

 

 They made rockets, which tied in brilliantly with their Space theme they've been working on in class...

Getting ready for messy experiments...

 the idea was to put vinegar in a canister, pop some bicarb in, tip it upside down with the lid on firmly and wait for it to pop off - needless to say, most of theirs fizzled out before popping happened...

Break was held outside too.  It was such fun to be the fly on the wall for a change...

 Chatting across the courtyard...

  To the girls on the other side...

 Another team work exercise - the girls actually finished first, but someone tripped and knocked it all over before they'd had a chance to have it checked...

 In other news, Jake and I did our first fun run together.  We're hopefully doing another one tomorrow morning - just 5km, but you've got to start somewhere.  Jake was thrilled with his medal...

 This one was for the West Coast Running Club, which is Marius' club...

 I was invited to stay at cubs on Wednesday evening, to help and to take some photos...

 As a special surprise for the cubs, the leaders had organised for a visit from the guide dogs...

  They were told all about raising guide dog puppies and about living as a blind person and how guide dogs help.  The kids were enthralled...

 This little one is Zeeba...

 And Vixen, who's obviously a chocolate Lab...

 Zeeba is very quizzy.  She's still in training and is only 5 months old...

She's got gorgeous puppy eyes and I think all the kids went home hoping to be able to convince their parents into becoming trainers...

 This is Barry.  He's an old friend and has lived in Edgemead for many years.  He was left blind after having an accident while driving like a maniac in his Lotus.  He didn't have his safety belt on and his spectacles smashed into his eyes.  It's a good lesson for the kids to learn and Barry does motivational speaking, so he's also very entertaining...

 Des and Estelle have given up many years raising guide dogs - Zeeba is their 5th...

  The kids had lots of questions.  This guy was very skeptical about how blind Barry actually is...

 Jake loves animals and wanted to be as close to Vixen as he could be...

 The kids learned how important it is not to touch a guide dog, or interrupt them while they're working, unless they've asked permission...

 It all got too much work for Zeeba and she took a nap mid-way...

 When she woke up, she'd been made an honourary cub...

 We had a friend out from the States a little while ago, who's also very involved with guide dogs there and she's been to see the kids before.  She sent a link for a video

http://boyslife.org/features/136450/scouts-help-raise-puppy-to-become-a-guide-dog/ - which shows a scout who raised a guide dogs and the kids got to enjoy this on Wednesday too...

 A group snap...

  And a big thank you to everybody for coming...

 We have a very hectic weekend ahead, 2 braai's and Rylee's getting Christened on Sunday and a fun run tomorrow morning at sparrows. Hope everyone else has a restful one ahead.

Lots of love 

Sue XXX

Update...

I had Jake at the doctor last week and managed to get his Ritalin dosage increased from 20mg Long Acting, to 30mg Long Acting.  There's been virtually zero change in his behaviour or work and after numerous phone calls and e-mails to his doctor, we have made the shift from Ritalin to Concerta.  

I don't know too much about Concerta, only that it takes longer to take effect (up to an hour) and that it lasts for 12 hours.  I'm not sure what it's side effects are, aside from that it might make Jake struggle with sleep a bit more, as he will only come "down" much later in the day.  I am hoping that this doesn't negatively affect his appetite, as Ritalin does.  Today, he's taken just 27mg, so it might not be enough and we are on a 10 day trial.  By mid-next week, the doctor said that we can re-evaluate and try the 36mg.  I already have the script for this.  Jake starts exams next Friday, so the timing on this is not great, but at the end of the day, who's ever going to ask him how he did in his end of year exams in grade 4?  I'd rather have a happy boy, then an A-student.

On another note, I have actually taken Ritalin this morning.  I've been dying to try it out, but don't like dipping into Jake's supply and running the risk of not having enough for the month.  When I was in Sub-A (now Grade 1), my teacher tried to discuss putting me on Ritalin with my mother.  My dad was not well at the time and my mom wasn't prepared to discuss this with my teacher because she just had so much to deal with already.  I think back when I was in Sub-A, Ritalin was an unknown and the stigma attached to the medicine was ugly.  It meant your child had issues.  And so I leaned to cope.  I managed to get average marks and by the time I finished school, I passed Matric with a C aggregate.  Not too good, not too bad.  Considering that I literally did not open a book for exams, I think I did pretty well.  I obviously listened in class and absorbed what was taught, because I did zero on my own.

So today, I've tried Jake's meds.  I know that I shouldn't have, but I did.  I probably should've tried a lower dosage too, but jumped straight into the 30mg LA.  I do feel a little shaky, but I cannot even begin to explain how quiet my head feels.  I can usually hear blood pumping in my ears and the buzzing when it's quite is loud.  I can't hear those things today.  I have also managed to clear out two wardrobes this morning before work and have got a ton done in the office.  I can type faster and more accurately.  I am here.  100%.  I've learned to live with whatever's been happening in my head until now and I will carry on without taking anything, but I'm utterly amazed!  And I can't help but wonder what I would've done with my life if I had been given these meds while I was at school...

Thank you to everyone who's left comments of encouragement and support - you guys are amazing!

Hope you all have a wonderful weekend!

Love Sue XXX

PS.  I've just had an e-mail from Jake's teacher and she says: "

Jake has already been to me to say he’s feeling “much better” today.  He is finishing one of the first again, not talking and volunteering answers and help – he hasn’t done this in quite a while.  From what I have seen today he may have to take the 36mg but the Concerta seems to be a positive turn around."  Can you hear me shouting for joy?  I am so relieved and so happy, what a wonderful way to start my weekend! Whooooooooooooooooooooooooooo-hoooooooooooooooo! :o)

And so...

It's been a few years since I remembered this date on my blog.  Actually, looking back, the last time I did was in 2011...  

Today is Jacques' birthday.  Actually, no it's not...it used to be, but today is really just another day.  I'll always remember Jacques on his birthday and I'll always wonder what he'd be like another year on, but something has changed for me in the last while.  And so, while I am closely remembering Jacques and all the happy times we shared, all day today (this year, Jake is too), this post is about me.

The days after Jacques died passed by me in a blur.  It was utterly awful and there are moments I'd rather not re-live.  Ever.  I was revolting and must've been hell to live with!  When I look back at the photos, I am reminded how I was really just going through the motions.  Thankfully, I have the most wonderful parents, who took Jake and I and our 2 dogs into their home and helped me deal with picking up the pieces on a daily basis.  They have played a huge role in helping me raise Jake - we lived with them for 6 years!  It was a time when I honestly didn't care too much about anything at all, especially me.

These pictures were taken in the "early days" and I think I looked as bad as I felt.  This pic of Jake and I with my mom, was taken on 24 September, just less than 3 months after Jacques died.  We made a trip up the West Coast for the day - at least we were good at getting out the house and at least I managed a smile...

 A few weeks later, just after Jacques' birthday in 2004, I chopped my hair off.  I hate this picture of myself, but it's who I was back then and make-up and dressing nicely weren't much of a concern at all.  Be glad I wasn't in my pajamas!  Thankfully my mom at least cared that my hair always looked OK...

In time, I have to say, that I have learnt how to deal with the hurt that I felt back then.  I didn't believe people when they told me it would get easier to live with and I hated knowing that I was going to go through my whole life without Jacques; that Jake wouldn't know his dad.  The thought of ever meeting someone who made me just as happy was not even a possibility.  Not even a thought.

Very consciously, but I can't tell you when, I decided that I didn't always want to be unhappy.  I don't think I'm a sad person, by nature.  I actually avoid it at all costs and don't even watch sad movies!  I didn't want to go through life sulking and lonely.  I was just 27 back then and hopefully still had a long life to live!  I had Jake to live for and he was an amazing distraction.  He was growing up fast and time was gaining momentum.  The years were going faster and he was becoming his own little person.  School stated and, flip it keeps you so busy, Monday starts and Friday's here before you know it.  Jake is growing up more and more and I'd slowly started healing.

At the time, you don't believe it's possible.  You don't believe you'll ever feel "normal" again.  You don't think you'll want to get dressed and put make up on and go out and chat and laugh and have a glass of wine and meet new people and fall in love and be happy and yet, before you know it, 10 years have passed and you're a whole new person.  Same-same, but so very different.  

At 37, I love being able to look back and see how I've grown up and what I've learned and how I treasure the here and now.  I wonder if Jacques would like the changes in me.  I love my family and my friends and my Jake.  I love Marius and his boys - they are part of my inner circle and I love our time together.  I am really, truly and very deeply happy again. 10 years ago, I NEVER dreamed it was possible.

Thank you to everyone who has put up with me and my issues and who played a role in getting me to where I am today.  I know I'm not perfect, but I love you all more than you will ever know.

Love,

Sue XXX

Life's bumps...

My son, Jake, is kind and caring and funny and just about the sweetest thing I know.  He loves laughing and he loves being a wally and being laughed at.  He has the general knowledge about the weirdest things and a memory like an elephant - at least with things he wants to remember, like wildlife and plants and birds.  He loves animals and nature and he loves his veggie patch.  He has a mind like a sewer and loves a naughty joke - the ruder, the better.  His funniest is the curry eating competition, which you can read here. He laughs till he can hardly breathe.  I must print it to take home for him again later.  My son, Jake, loves having his back tickled and reading books - at the moment, The Magic Faraway Tree by Enid Blyton.  He loves watching me picking up the dog poo and giving me a running commentary on what each dropping looks like, just to see me gag.  He loves watching movies and junk food, not veggies.  He loves the games on my phone.  He loves our tradition of being allowed to sleep in my bed on Sunday nights, eating yogurt and chocolates and cuddling and reading books.

My son, Jake, has a problem.  He suffers from Attention Deficit Disorder.  It's a very frustrating disorder to live with - for both of us.  Without his medication (he's on Ritalin 20mg Long Acting for his school day, which should last about 8 hours), Jake finds it virtually impossible to focus his attention on one thing at a time.  His time management skills are non-existent, my boy can FAFF.  He struggles to get work done as quickly and efficiently as other kids his age do.  He gets frustrated with himself for not coping.  He does not listen - or should I say, hear?  He gets upset about having to struggle and for getting into trouble, when he knows he should be able to do the work. He hates being untidy and he hates the fact that he is one of the few kids in his class, who hasn't qualified for his clutch pencil license yet.

After moaning and whining last week about the tough time Jake's been giving me, I had a note from his teacher yesterday.  It seems as though he's not managing well at school at the moment either...

Lately, Jake's been very unhappy about doing homework and studying.  He's disinterested and distracted and moans at me about having to get on with it.  In my mind, you sit down and do it as quickly as possible, so that you've got the rest of the day to yourself.  His doctor has given me additional meds (just 10mg of Ritalin, which lasts 4 hours) to give him in the afternoon, which I do begrudgingly give him, but only when it's exam time.  I only give him a half a dose, which should last him 2 hours.  Even with his meds, on Monday, it took Jake almost an hour to do a maths worksheet, which should've taken him about 20 mins, max 30.  He usually loves maths, so it was unusual for me to hear him complaining.  We're also working a lot on his exam time table - he should be doing quite a lot of his summarizing and studying on his own already, but I find myself practically teaching it to him and it takes him hours to remember anything, even with his top up meds.  Most days we're busy with homework until at least 6pm at the moment.  I hate it, but it is a fact of life and he has to do it... I certainly don't want to do it - I'm finished school - but I can't let him struggle either.  But the moaning...oh my...

In the classroom, Jake's distracted, talkative and causing disturbances amongst his friends.  His teacher (she's really the most wonderful teacher he could've wished for this year!) said he's also become very untidy and is struggling to keep up in class.  His concentration's become a problem for him again this term and he's making careless mistakes and takes longer to finish his work.  His teacher said that she's continuously reminding Jake to keep working and to stop talking and she can see he's getting frustrated too.  On the plus side, which makes me very, very proud, she did say that "Jake is a delightful, well-mannered young man".

Jake's really a very sensitive soul and I know that he takes his teacher's  gentle encouragement and reminders to get done, in the wrong way.  I know too that he knows he's not coping and I know that this hurts him very much. 

SO... I had a little chat with him yesterday afternoon in the car on the way home from school and he admitted that he feels like his meds aren't working as well as before. He doesn't like being in trouble and he wants to be able to do his best in his exams.  Why would anyone want their child to suffer like this, when there's a solution that can help?  Surely not giving my son the medication he needs will be detrimental to his confidence and his outlook on life?  He knows he has a problem, he knows he needs to work on it, but he doesn't know how. 

As his mother, I'm going to do the best I can to help him.  I've made a doctor's appointment for tomorrow afternoon and hopefully we can help spare Jake some heartache and get things back on track for him.  All any of us ever really want for our kids is to see them happy.  Hopefully I'm helping Jake find his happiness again.

Sending love,

Sue XXX