So...

I bumped into Doug last night. Remember him? Some of you might - I dated him for about 5 months too long, not very long after Jacques died. It was about 1 1/2 years after and in hind sight that was far, fff-aaaaaaaaaa-rrrrr too soon. Doug was fun and I managed to convince myself that I was enjoying the adventure, partly with stars in my eyes. Again, in hind sight, I think that it was me trying to pretend that I was OK, which I wasn't, that I'd moved on and was ready to start my life over again. It was nice to be cared for, although not pampered - Doug never had money. At the age of 30, he was still a student. Studying to become a teacher at that. Shame, he'll always be poor. Not that money impresses me in the slightest, but it would be nice not to feel continually like I was living on the edge. It would've been like that if I'd stayed with Doug. Anyway, it was nice to have someone's hand to hold again when I went out. I felt protected, kind of.

Doug was always a player and has a string of ex-girlfriends as long as the street outside. Instead of this being a warning sign to me, I guess it sort of made him easy bait. And he somehow manages to stay friends with ex-girlfriends, which I found very threatening. I could not bring myself to trust him. Anyway, he is very good friends with Wes, who was best man to Jacques at our wedding. So, Doug's getting married on Saturday and Wes & Lizelle are here for the wedding, which is in De Doorns. Wes is going to be Doug's bestman. Doug's getting married. Kinda weird, you'd think, but I feel completely nothing about it. Honest. When I saw him last night and he looked at me a little too deeply, I realised more then ever, how pleased (and lucky) I am that I saw through our relationship early enough not to have fallen into it for the long haul. I don't trust him and I never could and that was the biggest down fall in our relationship. Oh, and I didn't like him disciplining Jake. Not the actual act of him doing the disciplining, but the way he did it. I hated it when he whined "Jaaaaaaaayyyyyk, listen to your mommmy". And he was always tickling Jake and winding him up, which used to drive me mad. I really don't mind people putting Jake in his place if he needs it, but there's a certain way you deal with little kids. Jake was 2 at the time.

Anyway, please don't read this as me being sour grapes, I'm really, really not. I'm VERY relieved that it's not me. Not that I wouldn't like to settle down and get married and have a couple more kids. I just don't feel anything over the fact that Doug's getting married...

XXX