Setups...

One thing that I've learned by being single is that people don't like you being single.  I've had my time to grieve and to get over the last earth-shattering dumping and I guess now it's time to get back onto the proverbial horse again.  Being widowed was something that I never expected to happen to me.  I don't think that I even imagined being old without Jacques, but here I am all set to grow old alone.

Jake is growing up (far too quickly for my liking) and his life's adventures are really just beginning.  I don't want him to ever feel responsible for me, although being an only child I imagine that he will feel that way sometimes.  I want him to be free to travel and see the world, meet people and travel some more.  Have a family.  I never want to be a burden or dependent on my child for anything.   I think that's one of the reasons that I'm so grateful to be financially stable and why I'm over cautious with money.

All that said and, if I'm honest, I'm terrified of growing old lonely.  It's not something that Jake can understand yet and he is unbelievably protective over me.  He doesn't want me to date, he doesn't want me to have a partner.  He feels as though it's his job in life to look after me - something I don't ever want him to have to do.


Truth be told, being single does definitely have it's pros - rom coms, early nights reading my book in bed, having sandwiches for supper, not shaving my legs in winter, make-up free days, holidays to where I want to go, sleeping in, stay in my jammies all day and most importantly, time with Jake.  My life is uncomplicated and I get to decide what works for Jake and I without thinking too hard.

My friends have decided that it's time for me to move on after my last heartbreak (do not ever want to feel like that again!), but dating is very daunting.  Especially when you're doing it at this stage of life, where there are generally kids that will be affected by your decisions too.  Plus, most men come with awful ex-wives, maintenance plans and I'm not sure that I'm up for the challenge.


Unbeknown to my son (please, please don't tell him, he will be so upset!), I am going on a bit of a blind date later on.  Well, I guess it's not really a date-date, but I am meeting someone with some friends later for after work drinks.  Truthfully, I'm quite nervous about it and I know to stick to just one glass of wine, just to help calm the nerves a bit.  Hopefully it goes OK and if nothing more, maybe I'll make a new friend.  That or go home really early, without supper!

Sending love,
Sue xxx 

So much to say...

And it seems, just not enough time to say it all...  As usual, life is crazy busy.  We've completed high school applications and Jake has decided of his own accord to give our local high school a chance.  I think the long-term realization of early mornings and friends far away lost it's appeal before it'd even begun!  I am slightly relieved - one has to remember that I am a single mom and that the responsibility of getting my son to and from school falls solely on my shoulders.  I'm comfortable with the decision that I've made and hopefully it will be a positive experience for Jake.  He is quite strong academically and I can only hope that he puts his head down and pushes forward.  Success isn't achieved without hard work...

Jo and Paul are on holiday in Italy, ski'ing with their kids and it sounds like they're having a wonderful time.  Jo wasn't looking forward to it at all - it wasn't her idea of a holiday, but we've seen videos of her ski'ing and she looks like a pro.  They are all having a ball and really enjoying the novelty of the snow!

Jake's on holiday at the moment and has enjoyed lying in a bit in the mornings, as well as spending time with Gogga.  He's had time to relax and do very little, although he tells me that he's going to start with term 2 exam prep next week while he has a bit of time to get ahead.  Whether he actually does this, well, I'll have to wait and see.  He didn't do as well as usual this last term and was disappointed with some of his marks (42% for Geography - down from 91% at the end of last year!).  It was a good lesson for him, especially since I've taken a bit of a step back from his studies - they're his and I'll ask questions, but he needs to study on his own. 

Other Jake news, we went to the orthodontist this week and it looks like Jake will be getting braces later this year.  He has a few adult molars that need to come down a bit before he can be properly assessed, but his bit isn't correct in front and so it's looking like a fairly sure thing.  It won't be a cheap exercise, but I really like the orthodontist.  Coincidentally, he did Jacques' braces when he was a kid too.

Jake and I have started our big count-down for our next Kruger holiday (it's still 12 weeks till we leave) - there's so much to get through before then, but it's awesome to have something to look forward to.  Kruger really is our favourite place in the whole world!

Jake and I were planning to have a big party for our birthdays this year, since he turns 13 the day before I turn 40, but after lots of careful consideration, we've decided that it's a lot of money to spend on one night and so have decided that we'd rather just do something with our family.  No doubt there will be dinners and braai's around the time, but more casual.  Paul was actually the convincing factor, when he pointed out that Jake and I could visit NYC instead of having a party and that was it.  We love to travel.  No plans for NYC, but we'll leave the money in the bank for one day.

Hope everyone's well.

Sending love,
Sue xxx

Slow down...

I wish that I could press pause on the clock for a few moments.  Time goes too quickly and our children grow too fast!  Can you believe that our sweet little Rylee started playgroup this year??  He is loving it and has been a model child since day one.  No tears at all, except when he wants his mommy to fetch him from school and his granny does instead!  Living nearby meant that Jake and I could pop in on Jake's way to school to take a few snaps of Rylee on his big day!  This little man was excited!

Waving goodbye...

 The biggest cousin with the littlest.  Jake was heading off to start his final year of primary school and nearly missed the bell - we were so busy taking photos with Rylee...

 Boys being silly - squeezing bubbles out of Rylee's mouth...

 Rylee loves dinosaurs.  I think all boys do.  When Jake started grade one and could go to the library to chose his own books once a week, he used to bring home dinosaur books every week!  I think he just enjoyed hearing me try to pronounce all those names.  Anyway, this is Rylee, roaring...

 Let's go, let's go...

 It's an exciting, but sad moment in a parent's life when their baby goes off to school for the first time...

 In other Rylee-news, our little Gogga turned 3 at the end of Feb and had an AWESOME fireman party at home to celebrate with his friends and family.  He's such a cutie pie.  Oh, that's a dragon on his face...

 Another roar...

 Rosie's so good at putting together awesome parties...

 Oh and yum!  Let's not forget the grown up food...

 The birthday boy looked super cute in his smart party shirt...

 Rylee's gorgeous cake, made by his very clever mom...

 Getting ready to tuck into his party feast...

  Stinky...

 There were a lot of people...

 Singing happy birthday to himself...

 And enjoying the sweeties off the cake...

 Jake making sure that Rylee gets what he's after...

 Jake and Corky...

 The fire chief scoffing the fire engine's ladder...

 After sticking his face into a bowl full of hundreds and thousands, Rylee enjoyed ice-creams with his friends.  Rylee loves ice lollies (or lallies, as he calls them)...

 At 3, Rylee is a gentle, dinosaur-mad, loving boy, who has stolen his way into our hearts in a way we never dreamed possible.  We have to share him with Gareth's family, but it's such a treat to spend time with him before and after school/work.  He's got a gorgeous sense of humour and loves to laugh.  He likes sleeping too and when he comes home from school, he tells you that he's tired and wants to sleep.  Rylee loves his pets too - his Luxie and his Meow.  When he's not roaring, he talks all the time.  He loves food and his favourite drink is coke.  The other day, something was broken and he told my mom, "don't worry, my daddy fix it".  He also told my dad, "Pa, don't moan Nini".  Yesterday, he told me hot cwoss bums are his favourite.  Too cute for words.  He's so like his dad in so many ways and it's gorgeous to see him watching and learning from Gareth.  He's a total cuddle bug when it comes to his mom.  Rylee loves to "fly" with me around the garden and ride his black motorbike.  He loves playing with his toys, especially his dinosaurs.  Dinosaur movies are also his favourite and I love to see him walking like a dinosaur, with his arms tucked in short, then he dips his head and roars as loudly as he can.  Gorgeous!  Rylee, we love you so much and wish you a very happy year of being 3!

Love, Suewie and Jake

Moving on up...

Life moves at a fast pace.  Too fast.  One only has to pause briefly to notice how quickly the days and weeks pass by us.  Time waits for no man.

Jake is just about 13 and we have begun our high school applications.  How did that happen?  My mom keeps reminding me that high school flies by and judging by how quickly primary school has progressed, I can only imagine.  How sad.

Choosing a high school has been substantially more difficult than choosing a primary school ever was.  For us, the local primary school was perfect.  It was close to home and well run.  It has a high level of education and the kids are well mannered.  It's one of those older fashioned government schools.  Plus, we knew the then principal as a family friend.  Choosing a high school has, for us, been a really tough.  One one hand, do you choose all boys schools outside the area, which would result in plenty of travel time, but would potentially open more doors for Jake growing up, or do we again choose the local school, which is still young and ironing out problems, especially with regards to discipline.After lots and lots and lots of deliberations, we have decided to apply at just 2 government schools - our local and another not too far from home. 

We had to weigh up our options and I think that it makes sense not to have to travel too far for school.  Travelling to the more affluent Southern Suburbs all boys schools, would mean getting up at least 2 hours earlier every morning and sitting in traffic to school.  My office is really close to home and so I'd have to do the great trek back this side, again sitting in traffic.  And then I'd have to repeat the exercise every afternoon.  Believe me, I'd do it with a glad heart for Jake, but we do have to be realistic as well.  I am a single parent.  If I am unwell one morning, getting Jake to school will be a problem.  While he could possibly get into a lift club with other boys traveling from this side, lift clubs mean that Jake will have to wait until his friends are finished their extra murals before he can come home.  It will be a long day for both of us.

So, as we say "local is lekker", Jake is going to support our own school.  Co-incidentally, it's the same school that Jacques and I went to, along with all of his aunties, most of his uncles and 2 of his cousins (Abi & Becky).  We are the "old boys".  It's quite sweet to know that this little tradition is continuing with the next generation and one just has to hope that we have taught our kids enough to know right from wrong.  Jake has been brought up with strong morals and he will need to lean firmly on these.  All schools have their problems and I like the idea of Jake being close to home, having more time for himself and having friends in the area.

Hope everyone's well

Love Sue XXX

PS.  I got blocked out of my blogger account and only just had time to sort it out...  hopefully I'll be around a bit more now.

An incredible journey...

 Jake and I were invited by friends to join them for the Tsitsikamma Trail for New Year - it was completely out of the box for us, but the idea of an adventure always appeals and so we packed our bags as lightly as possible and headed for the beautiful Tsitsikamma mountains along the Garden Route...

 The trail begins from Nature's Valley and there was a definite buzz of excitement as we left the campsite and made our way to the start of the trail...

 The first day's walk was really uncomplicated.  We only walked 3.5km, mostly through forest and relatively flat.  Jake was having fun...

 We experienced our first little river crossing...

 And stopped to appreciate the late afternoon sunshine.  Hiking with loaded backpacks is a whole different story to going on a day hike...

 A backward glance to make sure that they haven't left me behind...

  That evening we walked down to the local beach to watch the sun set...

 We were excited about spending time together - away from TV and games and everything electronic.  No cell phone reception, so complete isolation...

 Scenes from the beach...

 Jake checking out the little snails in the sand...

 The colours were just unbelievable...

 Things got serious the next morning though...  We weren't aware of it when we got up and had coffee and breakfast, that the temperature was going to peak at 42 deg C and that we'd have 16.6kms to hike - with full backpacks, we were ill-prepared.  This is Jake during our first climb of the day.  He'd already started to lose his sense of humour and it was only about 7am...

 While you're walking, especially uphill, it's good to take a look around and remind yourself why you're actually putting yourself through this...

 Our first hut was near the beach, so this uphill was literally straight out of camp.  In the pic below, I was only about 5 steps above Jake - the hill was steep...

 Hot and bothered and facing more uphills - Jake and I were mostly at the back of the pack, but that was also fine, gave us more time together and saved everyone else from having to listen to me gasping for air, while motivating both of us up the climb...

 There are amazing things to see along the way.  Often you're so busy trudging and sweating up or down a hill, that you forget to look around.  Having Jake with me always reminds me to look - he sees things...

 Every now and then I'd get ahead and actually get a photo of Jake's face, not just his b-hind and he actually looked quite happy sometimes.  I think this was pulling into a picnic spot....

 Fungus...

 And more fungus...

 And great big millipedes...

 We walked through some forests, but less than we expected...

 A lot of the time was spent hiking through fynbos, which is low and bushy and gives no shade from the heat...

 When you find a pond that's got cold (icy) fresh water, everyone strips down and hops in to cool off...

 Despite moaning about walking, Jake made it his mission to climb up to the waterfall for the freshest water...

  It doesn't look big, but this toad was bigger than my hand...

 A pretty frog with a flower on his side...

 Some forest...

 It was getting hot (this is still day 1) and Jake wanted to get to the next hut.  We'd started to run out of water and had used the last bit to fill up with rehydrate to sip on...

 This part was tough.  It was after 12pm and the sun was out in full force.  The heat seemed to reflect off the pathway and we were HOT...

 Jake was just about to give up, but somehow he found his strength - possibly when some of our group came back to look for us with ice cold cooldrink and water.  They even carried our packs for a bit...

 Some views from our hut...

 This is the kitchen hut - our group was 11 and the dormitories sleep 24.  There were another 3 groups that joined us and we all got to know one another really well.  I mean, you have to share bathrooms, bedrooms, braais and kitchens...

 This is the dormitory, showing the view...

  The walking all feels worth it when you arrive at the hut and kick off your shoes.  You soon forget how hot and tired you were a few hours earlier and start planning for the next day's hiking.  Just below the Bloukrans hut is a pool to swim in.  Jake scrambled down there twice, so he couldn't have been that exhausted, right??

 As of Bloukrans, we had porters to carry our bulky gear, which meant that Jake could without a bag and I simply had to carry a day pack with food, water and cozzies.  It made all the difference.  That and the temperature had dropped down to 38 deg C...

 Our group having a water break in the shade...

 Swim time again...

 A not-so-pretty-make-up-free selfie.  I know it's not us looking our best (well me anyway), but I love this pic - it was a happy "holiday" ..

 Another lunch stop.  I thought I'd come home super skinny after having sweated and hiked so much, but you have to eat food to sustain you and so you land up eating high energy foods.  I didn't lose an ounce, but I do think my legs feel a lot stronger than before I left...

 And then back on the track...

 Filling up our water bottles.  Jake got about 17 mosquito bites doing this...

 Jake was such a hero on this hike.  It was very tough for all of us and one of our group couldn't walk for 2 of the 6 days - his feet were just too sore.  Jake's still so young and it was a massive accomplishment for him.  Yes, it did take a lot of moaning and motivating, but he did it and he can be very proud of himself for that.  He did have a few moments in the evenings, where he threatened to pull out of the hike, but I think that he was completely shattered and it was just exhaustion talking.  This photo was me trying encourage him not to give up.  It helps when your mother can make a poep out of herself...

 The next morning, Jake and I left camp early.  I didn't even have coffee and we munched biscuits for breakfast on our way.  It was the best decision and one that we kept up for the rest of the trail.  Leaving first meant that people caught up to us.  We weren't at the back on our own all the time.  With each person that passed us, our spirits were lifted and we were encouraged to keep on going.  Leaving early also meant that we had shade until the sun came up and that the plants were still covered in dew, which made it really nice and cool on our legs...

Pretty ferns...

 Another early morning river crossing - see Jake's smiling.  Almost...

 Getting river water...

 Stopping to enjoy the view along the way...

 Believe it or not, I didn't actually take very many photos.  My camera was in my camera bag, in my backpack, which was tied up around my chest and waist.  It was a mission to get to it and I needed my hands free to climb every now and then.  I did take it out when we had time.  This is one of Jake's snaps...

 A hungry caterpillar - he looks like he's smiling for the camera...

 This was new year's day - I know because Jake's talking to one of his grannies back at home.  We had so little reception and my phone was off all the time, but somehow it was in my pack and we heard it vibrating, so had reception one one of the peaks...

 I mean, what a place to call from...

 The mountains seem to go on forever...

 It must be so gorgeous during spring time here - the flowers are so bright and pretty...

 Climbing uphill is so tough.  I really struggle with my breathing and my thighs and shins feel like they're going to burst into flames.  When the going got tough, Jake and I would count out 30 steps, then pause to catch our breath.  When you're climbing uphill all you want is a downhill, until you start on a long steady downhill, then you wish for that uphill again.  Downhills hit all your joints and I was really grateful that we'd been advised to each bring a hiking stick with us...

 A lazy lizard...

 Another swim stop...

 I must be honest, I don't like swimming in such cold water.  It's amazing how hot it gets though and a dunk is all that's needed to freshen you up for the next leg.  Jake and I used to wet hats and shirts (him) to keep cool through the day...

 Nom, nom...

 Not looking too happy to be back on the track again...

 Down, down, down we go - I thought my toes were going to pop.  Lesson learned - you need shoes one size bigger for trails...

 I can't remember which hut this was, but another lovely stop, with a pool less than 20m away...

 That's the dormitory with all our washing hanging out to dry...

 I know he's my child and I know I'm biased, but those eyes - they're just so full of love...

 Our braai for the night.  Having porters meant that our dinners could be kept cold (and even frozen) for us and were delivered to the hut for that night.  This hut was my meal - spaghetti bolognese.  It took forever to heat the water up enough to boil the pasta, but it was really yummy when we got it served up - carbs are king...

 Another day, another hike.  Most days, aside from day 1, which was 3.5km, day 2 which was 16.6km and day 6, which was 5.5km, were around 13.5 - 14.5km long.  The weather also cooled further into the trail, so we enjoyed the cooler weather when it reached us.  We took them very slow and made the most out of the experience.  Breakfast with a view...

 More flowers...

 This was our last long day of hiking, so we knew that we were nearing the end of our adventure.  It put a definite spring in Jake's step knowing that he'd nearly completed it.  It was a tough day, with an uphill that went on and on and on and on (yes, I know this is downhill)...

 Striking...

 Jake tended to rush a bit ahead, so that he could sit and wait for me...

 Isn't it awesome??

 More pretty...

 Jake found a blue disa too - how special...

 And that's about it.  There aren't too many more photos than those I've shared here.  Looking back, we had a wonderful time.  It was probably one of the toughest things either of us have ever done, but we did it!  We were told that it was an easy hike, but it was quite technical and the pamphlet at the start said that you needed to be moderately hiking fit, which we weren't.  I'm very proud of us for sticking it out and for coming out champs on the other side.

I have some more photos of other bits and bobs from the holidays that I'll share next week!

Have a lovely weekend,

Sue xxx