Setups...

One thing that I've learned by being single is that people don't like you being single.  I've had my time to grieve and to get over the last earth-shattering dumping and I guess now it's time to get back onto the proverbial horse again.  Being widowed was something that I never expected to happen to me.  I don't think that I even imagined being old without Jacques, but here I am all set to grow old alone.

Jake is growing up (far too quickly for my liking) and his life's adventures are really just beginning.  I don't want him to ever feel responsible for me, although being an only child I imagine that he will feel that way sometimes.  I want him to be free to travel and see the world, meet people and travel some more.  Have a family.  I never want to be a burden or dependent on my child for anything.   I think that's one of the reasons that I'm so grateful to be financially stable and why I'm over cautious with money.

All that said and, if I'm honest, I'm terrified of growing old lonely.  It's not something that Jake can understand yet and he is unbelievably protective over me.  He doesn't want me to date, he doesn't want me to have a partner.  He feels as though it's his job in life to look after me - something I don't ever want him to have to do.


Truth be told, being single does definitely have it's pros - rom coms, early nights reading my book in bed, having sandwiches for supper, not shaving my legs in winter, make-up free days, holidays to where I want to go, sleeping in, stay in my jammies all day and most importantly, time with Jake.  My life is uncomplicated and I get to decide what works for Jake and I without thinking too hard.

My friends have decided that it's time for me to move on after my last heartbreak (do not ever want to feel like that again!), but dating is very daunting.  Especially when you're doing it at this stage of life, where there are generally kids that will be affected by your decisions too.  Plus, most men come with awful ex-wives, maintenance plans and I'm not sure that I'm up for the challenge.


Unbeknown to my son (please, please don't tell him, he will be so upset!), I am going on a bit of a blind date later on.  Well, I guess it's not really a date-date, but I am meeting someone with some friends later for after work drinks.  Truthfully, I'm quite nervous about it and I know to stick to just one glass of wine, just to help calm the nerves a bit.  Hopefully it goes OK and if nothing more, maybe I'll make a new friend.  That or go home really early, without supper!

Sending love,
Sue xxx