Back again...

A month and 2 days have passed since Marius and his boys left our lives...  It's been a very tough month for Jake and I indeed.  There's not a day that passes that Jake doesn't mention the boys and our hearts have ached their way through the holidays, constantly wondering what they're doing.  

We've had time to grieve for the relationships lost, not only with Marius, but with his boys, his mom, his sisters and our friends...  it's a bitter pill to swallow after devoting 2 1/2 years of our lives to all these people.   I don't know the real reasons for Marius leaving me, perhaps I never will.  I can't get my head around the fact that Marius' reason was a fear of commitment - it just doesn't make sense after 2 1/2 years.  2 months, maybe, but not this long.  I cannot help but believe that there must be someone else, why else would he have quit on us or given up without discussion?  One of the many things I learned when Jacques died, is that you can drive yourself completely mad by asking "why?", so I'm trying not to, but it isn't easy.  I have had to accept that Marius just didn't love me; crazy how happy I was and how blissfully unaware I was of his unhappiness...

Besides feeling like we have to avoid the beach where Marius lives, we do miss it there.  We have always loved Blouberg beach and the Blue Peter Restaurant has always been one of our favourites.  Both Jake and I are nervous about bumping into Marius though.  We are unsure of how we will react - I'm sure I would just say hello and keep walking, while Jake has threatened to kick him in the balls and flick a finger if he sees him.  I'm sure it's just talk and he would also be polite - it's how he's been raised.  But the boys... oh the boys, I think I would go running after them if I saw them!!  Jake says he would just hug them so tight.  So we've avoided the chance of bumping in to any of them all together... it's been tough!!
 
So... 2016 is here!  It's a new year and time for a new start for us.  As most of you know, I don't do sad very well... Jake and I have spent plenty of days doing very little, besides swimming at home and being with our family and closest friends.  They are the ones who love us unconditionally and who know how to make us smile again.  Jake has had a good, restful holiday and that was what we both needed.

2016 will be very different from how I'd imagined it would be, but we have lots of plans in the pipeline, all of them travel-related.  We have rented our house out for 3 months and will be moving in with my parents - it's a great way for us to earn some extra cash and to be able to travel more.  Our first trip is going to be to visit friends in the USA and we are really looking forward to starting our plans on that.  Where to go and how much could we squeeze into one big holiday??  Hopefully we'll be able to plan another trip to Kruger soon and we also have some plans for a holiday in Greece again...  watch this spot, we are definitely going places!!

I hope that everyone else has had a wonderful Christmas and New Year, may 2016 be everything that you hoped it would be!  I will share some holiday snaps (there aren't many) as soon as I can!

Sending love,
Sue XXX