Looking back...

I was looking through my older blog posts, trying to find a photo that I can't find anywhere and came across this list of 20 things that others supposedly didn't know about me. It was written on 1 August 2008 and so much has changed since then. Below are the 20 points I listed back then, with updated comments: -

1. I cannot suck a hard boiled sweet. I just can’t. I'm a cruncher. This is still true, although, if I concentrate on it, I can now sometimes suck a sweet...

2. Being Jake’s mom has been the ultimate gift Jacques could’ve given me. He’s a happy, sweet, fun-loving little boy and I adore him with every ounce of my being. I would give up my life for him to be happy. Ditto

3. I am extremely protective. More protective then I ever though possible. I’d give my life for my child, but then I don’t know any parents who wouldn’t, although I know that there are some out there. Reading this again, this statement is confusing. What I meant is that I know that there are some weird sicko freaks out there who hurt kids, all my friends are brilliant parents who adore their offspring. Is that better? I could never hurt my own child (or anyone else's for that matter). And I'd probably kill the person who dares to hurt Jake...

4. I love traveling. I love seeing the world and having a little travel companion to share it all is awesome! I can’t wait for our next trip – probably to the Kruger National Park (http://www.krugerpark.co.za/) next August/September. Well, we've been there and back already and as you've seen, we had a fantastic trip, Jake learnt so much and had an absolute ball. The next trip will be to Belgium with the outlaws next September/October. I always need to have something to look forward to.

5. I love summer. I love waking up to the sun streaming in through my bedroom window. I hate grey skies, they make me lazy and want to lie in bed all day. I hate getting up on cold mornings. I hate getting dressed on these mornings even more. YAYAYAYAY the sun is shining today and it's going to be HOT tomorrow... BRING IT ON!!!!

6. Most people are either morning or evening people. While I don’t particularly like getting up in the mornings, I do get going quite quickly. I have a lot to do. I love seeing the world around me and I think I’m more of a day-time lover then a night owl. That said, I do enjoy getting out and about at night time too. Still confused on this 'issue'. Can I be both? I really just need a few more hours in the day...

7. I love people watching. I can sit in a park, a car, a train, a plane – you name it – and just watch what’s going on around me. If I can eavesdrop, it’s even better! I forgot to add that I hate being the one watched though!

8. I’ve stopped wearing Jacques’ ring around my neck – I’ve always been really scared that I’ll be mugged and lose it. It seems such an easy thing to grab and run with. While on one hand I’ve always said I’d rather enjoy wearing it and risk losing it along the way; the flip side is that I know it’s something that Jake might appreciate as he grows up. Still have it tucked safely away for Jake

9. Similarly to number 8, I stopped wearing my rings on my wedding finger about 3 months ago. It’s something I’d considered for a long time, but felt too loyal to ever really follow through on. The reasons for doing this are numerous. Not many people have noticed. I still wear them on my right hand. Yep, still the same. Although Jake has huge a fascination with diamonds at the moment so he might nick them off my fingers. Seriously, anything shiny gets picked up and hoarded away. He announced the other day that when I die, he's going to keep the diamonds from my rings to give to his wife (I told him they're for my granddaughters!!)

10. I'm scared of growing old on my own. I want to be loved (and to love) and taken care of. Shortly after Jacques died I said that I’d never re-marry (and I still may never), but I would like to have another companion to share daily life with. I do believe that one can make a life for yourself as a single person and that you can grow older alone quite happily. My life isn't just Jake either, it's actually pretty full and very busy. It'd just be nice to have someone there who understands me and loves me for who I am. Warts and all. Nice to have someone wink at me across the room; someone to snuggle up with on the couch and a good movie; Some one's hand to hold. I'd like someone who could be a good role model and father figure to Jake. Oh, and I’d love to have at least another 2 children. I'm quite fussy.The only thing I've changed my mind on here is the children. I'm quite happy (for now that is, because this seems to change with the weather) with the one child I've got. At this stage of my life, I don't think I want any more. Jake is so easy and we have so much fun together, I know it's selfish, but I'm not sure if I could do it all again...

11. I love coffee. 2 cups before breakfast and another 2 through the day. Not too bad. I've cut this down to just 2 cups before breakfast. I try drink tea for the rest of the day. Or water. Believe it or not, I like hot water...

12. I love wine more then coffee, although I’m a little more careful about my consumption.I've been drinking extra light wine quite a bit lately. I know it's disgusting, but it means I can have a couple of glasses and not be inebriated. It works well when I have book club. The flip side is that when I go out and have 'proper' good quality wine, I get drunk VERY quickly. I am a typical cheap date...

13. As a kid I wanted to be a firefighter. Now, I’m petrified of anything that burns. Jake has a natural fascination with fire and loves candles and lighters. Jake went on an outing to the fire station this year and has learnt that if he ever catches alight he must 'stop, drop, roll'. Sound advice, I hope he never needs to use it!

14. I’m very nervous of swimming in both the sea and fresh water masses. I don’t like not being able to see what’s below me and I don’t like anything to touch me while I’m swimming. This still gives me the heebie jeebies...

15. I believe in angels. I believe that feathers are a sign that an angel is near. Jake is forever collecting and bringing me feathers, even though he has no idea what I believe them to symbolize.

16. I think I have finally grown up. I am comfortable within myself to enjoy my own company. YIP, I think I like me at the moment!

17. I don’t like confrontation. I cannot think off the cuff and normally end up saying things that I don't mean to. Or things just come out in a confused mess. I'm really bad at making decisions, especially where other people are concerned. I'm trying to be more assertive and I'm trying to be better at decision making. It's not easy though...

18. My child’s taught me how to enjoy gardening. Not the flowery-pot-plant kind of gardening, but I really enjoy planting seeds that grow to become food. It’s such fun, it’s educational and so rewarding! Our garden is up and running, although we haven't spent nearly as much time in it as we did last year. The seedlings are all pushed through, so we're just watering and weeding as we need to. Jake's favourite outing is still to Super Plants, our local nursery.

19. I am scared of living on my own. I know I could do it and I know facing up to your fears is the best way to over-come them, but... Why do it when you don't have to? This is definitely the point that's changed the most. I cannot WAIT to move into my own house in the new year! It's been a huge decision and one that I've given so much thought to. But, it's time and I'm ready to face the new challenges that lie ahead. I know it's going to be difficult, it'll be the first time I've been entirely on my own since Jacques died. I know I'm going to have 'stuff' to work through, but I'm ready to deal with that. Jake's incredibly excited and I can't wait to start decorating and shopping - it's going to be such an adventure. Just 45 more sleeps till my tenant moves out!! Here are some snaps of our 'new' house. It needs some work, but the kitchen and bathrooms have been re-done fairly recently (about 5 years ago) and my tenant is a perfectionist, so they still look good. I need to improve the security and we're going to be putting up a palisade fence, as well as security gates and better burglar bars (security's my biggest concern over living alone). Anyway, it's a starting block...

See the nice park across the road??

This is down the back of the house, past the bathrooms and kitchen and looking down towards the garage...

Round the corner, down the back of the house...

And then obviously the house from the garden. I'd like to eventually put up an undercover patio and have a pool put in, but for now there are more urgent things I need to attend to. Like furniture...

20. I’m happy by nature. It’s something I work at and yes, I do still get into a grump from time to time, but I do generally try putting a smile on my face to face the world. It’s amazing to see how other people respond to it. Still working on this, but I'm sure it'll be something I'll be working at for the rest of my life. Smile at a stranger in the supermarket and I guarantee they'll smile back at ya...