32..

That's how old Jacques should be today. I've always said that I'm sure his birthdays are harder for his parents then they are for me, but I'm feeling really down today (thank goodness I have dinner club tonight with the girls!). And the weather's crap and I'm hung over and it's just not helping. I'm SO over winter...

I know I mustn't, but I can't help imagining what my morning would've been like. Should've been like. Jake would have been so excited to give his dad his presents. I can see him jumping into our bed to help unwrap presents. I wonder what we would've given him? Probably some stupid game for the Wii or Playstation that we'd have owned by now. Perhaps a new pocket knife to replace the one he bought off some stranger in the UK who was short on bus fare while we were on honeymoon and lost. New clothes? Music? A high speed driving course?

Last night, Jake and I went out for a quiet dinner with Jacques' folks and my folks. It was a very enjoyable evening and I was doing well until I went to the loo and they were playing my wedding song - Amazed by Lonestar (something of a one hit wonder who's CD I still do not own). I don't believe in accidents like that and there's a reason this song was on for me last night (even though it made me cry in the toilet and drink too much wine). Here are the lyrics, which make me cry, but that I still love, especially since Jacques chose it for our special day:

Every time our eyes meet
This feeling inside me
Is almost more than I can take
Baby when you touch me
I can feel how much you love me
And it just blows me away
I've never been this close to anyone or anything
I can hear your thoughts
I can see your dreams

I don't know how you do what you do
I'm so in love with you
It just keeps getting better
I want to spend the rest of my life
With you by my side
Forever and ever
Every little thing that you do
Baby, I'm amazed by you

The smell of your skin
The taste of your kiss
The way you whisper in the dark
Your hair all around me
Baby you surround me
You touch every place in my heart
Oh, it feels like the first time, every time
I want to spend the whole night in your eyes

Chorus

Every little thing that you do
I'm so in love with you
It just keeps getting better
I want to spend the rest of my life
With you by my side
Forever and ever
Every little thing that you do
Baby, I'm amazed by you

OK, so before I have a major meltdown at work, I'm going to go. Hope everyone else is doing OK and can't wait to get out with some of you tonight. And don't forget to put on your happy faces...

Love, Susie XXX