The stresses and strains...

This last week has been a relatively challenging week for me. I don't actually know how to deal with it and actually just feel like sitting down in a heap and crying my eyes out...

Jake's started wetting his bed. For me this is a minor disaster. Besides that we're going on holiday in 20 sleeps time (WHOOOOO-HOOOO!!) and will be staying at other people's homes, Jake's just always been such an easy kid that I don't know how to deal with problems like this. He was 2 when when he decided one day that he no longer needed nappies. The transition from nappies to underpants went relatively easily and within 2 weeks, he was using the loo like a big kid. 2 weeks later, he told me that he didn't want to sleep in a nappy and we've never looked back. Between then and now, he's wet his bed less then 10 times, which I think is pretty good. So, about 10 days ago, he started wetting his bed and I've had one dry night since. I've started to limit the amount of fluid he takes after 5, he goes to the loo before bed, I wake him up when I go to bed and if I get up at any time during the night, I take him again. He still finds time to wet the bed though. Besides anything, it's done nothing but rain this week, so getting everything dry in time for bed again is a nightmare.

I've been through all the options as to what's caused this sudden change in my child's behaviour. Why is he suddenly wetting the bed, where he used to be able to wake himself up and go to the loo on his own whenever he needed to. He's 4 and has been toilet trained for 2 years, for flipsakes. Anyway, it suddenly dawned on me this morning what's a very strong, probable cause. it's Father's Day next weekend and I'm sure that and I am pretty sure that this is what's concerning him. He's also very aware about age and death at the moment. He also likes to sleep in my bed, something I've never allowed, but recently I've started to let him chose a night on the weekend to sleep with me. Oh, he has been sneaking into my bed during the night for a while now, but only at about 3am, which I don't really mind. Actually, I quite like it. And since there's no one else in my bed, it's not an issue. So, I'm also not sure whether the bedwetting is his way of sleeping with me. I'm trying to bribe him and last night I told him that he wasn't allowed to come into my bed if he wet his. He did wet his bed and after I'd turned everything around and changed him, I made him sleep in his bed. He wasn't happy, but hopefully tonight will be a better night.

Anyway, it's all quite stressful and very confusing. I feel quite sad over the fact that Father's Day might be such an issue for him and I just hope that we are able to resolve it soon. I know that he has to learn how to work through Jacques' death and how to deal with it in his own way, but it just seems so unfair that he has to face up to such harsh realities of life while he is still so little. I know that life's not fair and that "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger", but I'm 31 and he's only - he's still a baby.

Before I end off, on a happier note, I'm back to working half days again and I'm loving the extra time with Jake. We've got play dates set up for today, Friday, Monday and Wednesday, which I've never been able to do with working fully time. We've been riding bikes, climbing trees (in between the rain), building puzzles, watching movies. It's amazing and I love every moment of my time with him. Even more exciting at the moment, though, is that in 20 more sleeps, Jake and I will be leaving on our big adventure. I can't believe our holiday's coming up so soon. It feels like I've been planning this for so long, it seems hard to believe that it's actually happening within a few days. I got our suitcase out and put a few things in it (just gifts) - I plan to travel extremely lightly. I just can't imagine having tons of luggage to manage and a 4 year-old, so one togbag type thing and two rucksacks is all we'll have! 20 sleeps!!!

Must run, this is longer then expected. Hope everyone's well!!

Hugs & kisses,

Sue xxx