Phew...

Well, here I sit, wondering yet again where the time has gone...  I don't seem to be getting very much of it for anything at the moment.  Work is manic again and we're busy with our financial year end, which always leads to time wasted searching for inventory and reconciling accounts.  Busy days, but I guess it keeps me out of trouble.

In between, Jake's had a pretty crazy time at school too.  He's had his test week (2 actually) and has had orals and mondelings (I so badly need an Afrikaans friend to help me with the editing!) and reading and projects to get through.  In among that, I'm still playing tug-of-war with regards to his meds.  He's been taking 27mg of Concerta for his ADHD and I love that it means he eats better and has more spunk, but I can see that he's struggling a bit socially and results-wise.  Anyway, we'll get him back on track soon :o)

We recently had the privilege of visiting the Drakenstein Lion Park, which is a sanctuary for rescued lions.  Most of these lions have spent their lives abused or in circuses.  None could fend for themselves in the wild, so this is the best solution for them.  It's amazing to get so close to these amazing creatures, even if a little daunting - those fences aren't really very high, are they??

Jake cooling off in a sprinkler - we did pick the hottest day of the year to go and Jake eventually looked like a tomato about to pass out...

We were there for feeding time too, which was quite a treat.  The lady in the blue dress is writing a children's book about one of the lions, Dodo, who's spent the first 8 years of his life in a concrete pit in Eastern Europe.  His cage had metal bars over the top and during the cold winters, Dodo had to lie in the snow in temperatures as low as -20 degrees.  His life at the sanctuary is as close to the wild as he'll ever get, but it's one heck of a lot better than where he's come from!!

Seeing the lions like this made Jake and I really sad, especially since we've seen the life they should be living in the wild.  It also made us really excited about our up-coming Kruger holiday.  We can't wait!

Nom-nom...

Dead chicken is gooood...

There were a couple of tigers too...

A definite highlight is some of the gorgeous white lions that the park has too...

All of the lions are sterilized and so the owners were very surprised when one of their female white lions gave birth to 3 precious cubs.  We were lucky enough to spot one.  The dad is in the picture above...

In other news, Jake and I finally braved a trip down to Blouberg beach.  It's the one we spent so many precious hours with Marius and his boys.  Re-visiting was really tough for us and we both kept hoping we'd bump into the boys, but we didn't.  We saw the park runners too, which we all used to do quite often on a Saturday morning... another harsh reality of our lives.  For now, things will change again, I have no doubt about that...

Our trip to the beach was made easier by having Rylee and my folks with us...

Rylee's growing so beautifully and he's talking so much these days.  He had the most fabulous 2nd birthday party at the end of Feb - I'll have pics for you as soon as I can...

Jake adores his little cousin...

It's really hard to believe that it really wasn't all that long ago that Jake was so tiny...

Jake's learned to be very patient with his younger cousins and they are all really crazy about him because of it...

Jake tried his luck finding shark's teeth, but it wasn't his day...

The last days of summer were spent by the pool, relaxing with our precious family.  Here's Jake and his Auntie Jo...

Another of Jake's younger cousins, Corky.  These two started out with a real love-hate relationship, now it's mostly filled with love and patience.  They all get so excited to see each other, it's very precious.  Here's Jake trying to teach Corks how to use his new board.  Corky wasn't heavy enough, so they shared the load...

Thank goodness for family...  so much love...

Stinky was there too... she's the rose amongst the thorns, but she loves the boys and they love her so much too...

We celebrated Baden Powell's birthday at the Sea Scout base too.  Jake received a certificate for completing his leaping wolf badge, so it was a special one for him...

Smart boys...

The flag ceremony, which is lead in by a piper...

Jake getting his certificate from the District Commissioner...

And with his two Grandpas - he's a lucky boy to always have so much support from his family...

Jake and Rylee having fun on the board...

Doesn't Rylee just have the most gorgeous eyes and hair???

How old are you going to be?  2!!

There's so much more happening, but my camera seems to be collecting dust at the moment...  I need to start pulling myself towards myself, don't I...

We're going away this weekend with our whole family, just for one night, but we're really looking forward to it! School also closes next Friday for 2 weeks for the Easter break and I'm hoping to get a few days off work.  I have a ton of leave owing to me and if I don't use it, I'm going to lose it.

Sending lots of love,

Sue XXX

Valentine's Day 2016...

Well, it's here... another Valentine's Day where I find myself sitting "alone".  As always, I am surrounded by people who love me, just not the one that I want to. So I'm not celebrating it this year. Call me the Valentine's Day Grinch! If you are celebrating, well, then, Happy Valentine's Day to you, I hope you are spoiled and showered with lots of love!  Love is a wonderful thing.

On that note, we heard from Michael & Cameron last weekend.  They were both chatting to Jake and I via Instagram.  It was both really difficult and really comforting.  They are missing us as much as we miss them and agree that things are so different without us.  It also gave me the chance to apologise for them having to be caught up in our grown up problems, even though this wasn't my decision.  Jake is dying to see the boys again, but I have decided that this little bit of cyber contact is enough for now.  When they are bigger, it will be different, but for now, my heart can't deal with more and I need to protect Jake too.  He has been hurt enough. 

Added to feeling a big bit blue, Jake is also going away this Valentine's Day.  He is very excited about going on a hike with his scout group up Table Mountain. They leave early tomorrow morning and are camping out in the scout hut on top of Table Mountain over night, then hiking back down on Sunday morning.  It's his first overnight hike away from home and he doesn't really like being away from home.  He is a creature of comfort, a bit like me.  It's important that he does these things and I am excited for the learning that comes for him with a trip like this.  Of course, I cannot wait to pick him up again on Sunday afternoon - he will always be my one true Valentine!  We have planned sushi for dinner and will probably rent a DVD, depending on how exhausted Jake is after his hike.

Anyway, that's all from me.  I have updated photos of all the kiddies, so will share them ASAP.

Sending love,

Sue XXX

Busy as you know us...

I seem to have gone a bit off my photography and blogging lately... I'm sorry about that!  Call it a slump, but I just feel uninterested at the moment.  Perhaps it was the lazy school holidays, perhaps it was just a combination of events, but it feels like it's taking a bit of time for us to get back into the swing of things again this year.

I used to suffer from Sunday blues when I knew that my weekends were coming to an end and now I somehow feel a bit like I suffer from these blues on a Friday, which really sucks because I do love the weekends!  It's a silly mindset and I'm so used to packing up and heading off to the beach on Fridays, that I tend to feel a bit lost on Friday afternoons.  Don't get me wrong, I DO NOT miss packing bags, but I did do it quite gladly while I had to.  I won't go into all that I miss about that time in my life - onward and upward!

There are many changes that I've had to go through over the last 2 months.  I decided before Christmas to go back on anti-depressants; there was simply no way that I could help Jake understand his own emotional trauma and deal with my own.  Perhaps some will view it as the cowardly thing to have done, but it worked for us and it meant that the holidays were definitely more bearable.  I don't like being sad.

Jake's had a tough start to the new year.  I took him off his old meds before the end of the 4th term last year and he had a fantastic holiday without them.  He had so much energy and spunk and managed to grow quite a bit and put on some weight too.  His new meds started at the beginning of January, but were a complete disaster and last week was a week from hell for him.  He was sick and I had to pick him up from school twice because he was just so unhappy.  Not my boy at all!!  A trip to the dr saw us reverting back to his old meds and he seems 100 times happier again and is coping much better with his day.  I saw his teacher yesterday and she said he's like a new kid this week - YAY!  Happy kid = happy mom!!

Aside from that, Jake and I have moved back in with my mom and dad for a bit.  I've rented my house out for some extra cash, which means that Jake and I will have the opportunity to travel a bit this year.  We've canned our idea to visit the States, the tickets were just too expensive and so we're heading back to Kruger in June/July for 16 nights.  It'll just be the two of us this time and we're both really looking forward to it.  Living with my mom and dad is great, we all get on really well and we have enough space to not feel like we're living on top of each other.  It's really home from home for us.

Besides having our Kruger trip to look forward to, Jake and I have put our names down for a new dog.  It might take a while before the right poochie reaches us, but it will happen and she will be well trained this time around!!  Duracell has not been well and we nearly had him put down during the holidays, but he's managed to pull himself right for now.  He'll be 15 in July, so we know his days are numbered and we're just showering him with love while we can.  I won't let him suffer and we will do what's best for him when we need to.

Work-wise things are going well.  I have a ton of accumulated leave that I need to start using up, I just wish that I had more money to travel more and I wish that our Rand wasn't so bloody weak!  Our company has a new majority share holder and the changes that we're going through are very exiting.  It's lovely to be part of this process and I think we're all looking forward to the next step!  Speaking of that, I start a little online course next week, so looking forward to some personal growth too.

As for the weekend ahead, we've got quite a busy one lined up and I'm looking forward to it!  This week's been busy, but happy as we settle into our new normal.

Hope everyone's well, promise to try take some photos to post soon!

Love,

Sue XXX

Forgotten days...

 Our holidays seem like they were so long ago.  Despite all the dramas that we've faced, Jake and I had a good holiday.  We spent too much time watching TV and being very lazy, but it was what we needed.  That and to be with the people who care about us most.  2016 has had a very slow start for us, personally.  It's the way we like it.

We spent time in Kommetjie with Jake's wonderful grandparents.  Above, Jake's looking for mussels with his granny and grandpa, which we used to make THE most delicious mussel pot I've ever had - I am converted!

Views from the beach...

 Jake worked very hard and found plenty of mussels.  Yum, yum...

 Rosie and Gareth spoiled us with the most delicious braai for Christmas Eve at their house.  It's so exciting to be able to share this stage with Rylee and Jake is really enjoying having another younger cousin in the family.  And despite his uber-cool hair cut, he's not to big to behave like a little kid too.  Best of both...

 Gorgeous boys...

 Despite his serious face, Jake was playing so nicely with Rylee, makes his mommy's heart mealt...

 My little Gogga - he's getting more and more handsome by the day...

 Rosie's clever Christmas place settings...

 Jake got hold of my camera while we were chatting (and drinking wine) and took the next two pics...

 Perhaps he will be the family photographer from now on...

 Bed time came too quickly and Rylee was very excited with the carrots for the reindeer and snacks for Father Christmas...

   Rylee and Gareth...

 Add Rosie...

 Add Jake and Hilux...

 Add grandparents...

 And a last selfie...

 Goodnight kisses...

 Jake and Hilux (winking)...

 We went to go see Rylee opening his presents on Christmas morning - he was still excited with the carrots...

 Jake decided to save his goodies to open with Rylee...

 Rylee was well into the swing of things and loved his big ball, before he'd even unwrapped it.  He also loves his new broom...

 And his spade...

 Jake got some new treat t-shirts.  He's getting so big now, his t-shirts fit me and he takes me up to the bridge of my nose...

 Rylee really knows what presents are this year and he really enjoyed himself...

 Brave boy...

 Jake was spoiled this year.  I did get a really awesome Christmas bonus this year, so it was an extra extra and he has put money in towards it, plus is for his birthday and Christmas combined - please don't judge me...

 Whoo-hoo - a set of wheels!  It looks nothing like the picture on the box any more - it's rolled and rolled and the paint has chipped a bit...

Christmas lunch was a relaxed one at my mom's house...  It was really lovely that we could all be together this year for a change.  Here's Jo and Corky, who's just started grade 1!!

 Sharing gifts between each other is always exciting.  We decided only to do for the kids this year...

 Our pretty table...

 Rylee enjoying chocolates before lunch...

 Bi got a flutterby from Nini and Pa... it moves away from your hands, so you can direct it and keep it up - the whole family had fun with it on Christmas morning...

 Bi almost couldn't believe it, real magic...

 Completely tickled...

 Corky's very into his lego and he makes the most amazing things...

 We decorated the table with Polaroid photos that we took on Christmas morning of the family...

 And after lunch, there was plenty of time for relaxing and swimming.  I might have fallen asleep on a couch somewhere...

 New Year's Eve was a very quiet affair for us, but you know us, life is never boring.  Jake decided that he was going to get dressed up and borrowed a tie from Pa to wear with his t-shirt...

 Pa copied Jake and Nini and I also got a bit dressed up.  There was lots of champagne and wine and we had the most divine steak braai ever.  It was just the 4 of us, but that was what we needed this year...

 Jake helped with the braai and it was a really relaxed evening.  We swam and giggled and it was really a lovely evening.  I am very lucky to have the parents that I do, they take such good care of Jake and I...

 And then, before we knew it, it was time for back to school.  We didn't see much of Abi and Becky during the holidays, because they've been super busy with their training schedules.  Becky (left) started high school though and so we had to see her in her uniform on her first morning!

Besides that, we went through to Fish Hoek to swim a few times, visited friends and family and really, really had a quite holiday.  Duracell took a bit of a bad turn towards the end of the holidays and has hurt his leg.  He will be 15 on 4 July and so we know that we have to make the kind decision for him, but I couldn't do it to Jake in the holidays, he'd already had a difficult one.  Duracell is not in pain and is still eating, so we're keeping him comfortable for as long as we can.

Back to school is always a tough time.  We don't like getting back into routine and it is busy.  Jake's in grade 6 this year and it's frightening to think that by the end of this year, he'll be half way through his school career.  He has a lovely teacher and this is the first year that the kids move to different teachers for various subjects, which takes a bit of adjusting.  Jake's also decided to work hard on keeping his work up-to-date and has already started making study notes for June/July exams... be prepared - that's a good scout!!

Jake and I have put our USA trip plans on hold too.  The Dollar is not working in our favour and we were looking at well over R100K for a 3 week trip.  We have, instead, booked to go back to Kruger in the June/July holidays and we are VERY excited about it.  Because we've booked last minute, we have had to take the scraps as far as accommodation goes and we'll be moving around a bit, but that just adds to the adventure.  We're flying in to Nelspruit and hiring a car from there.  I think Skukuza is about 1 1/2 hours away from Nelspruit.  It'll just be Jake and I this time and we have a full 16 nights in the park! We are already counting the days!

Hope the start of 2016 has been good to you all!  2016 has definitely started far better for us than 2015 ended.

Sending love,

Sue XXX

Back again...

A month and 2 days have passed since Marius and his boys left our lives...  It's been a very tough month for Jake and I indeed.  There's not a day that passes that Jake doesn't mention the boys and our hearts have ached their way through the holidays, constantly wondering what they're doing.  

We've had time to grieve for the relationships lost, not only with Marius, but with his boys, his mom, his sisters and our friends...  it's a bitter pill to swallow after devoting 2 1/2 years of our lives to all these people.   I don't know the real reasons for Marius leaving me, perhaps I never will.  I can't get my head around the fact that Marius' reason was a fear of commitment - it just doesn't make sense after 2 1/2 years.  2 months, maybe, but not this long.  I cannot help but believe that there must be someone else, why else would he have quit on us or given up without discussion?  One of the many things I learned when Jacques died, is that you can drive yourself completely mad by asking "why?", so I'm trying not to, but it isn't easy.  I have had to accept that Marius just didn't love me; crazy how happy I was and how blissfully unaware I was of his unhappiness...

Besides feeling like we have to avoid the beach where Marius lives, we do miss it there.  We have always loved Blouberg beach and the Blue Peter Restaurant has always been one of our favourites.  Both Jake and I are nervous about bumping into Marius though.  We are unsure of how we will react - I'm sure I would just say hello and keep walking, while Jake has threatened to kick him in the balls and flick a finger if he sees him.  I'm sure it's just talk and he would also be polite - it's how he's been raised.  But the boys... oh the boys, I think I would go running after them if I saw them!!  Jake says he would just hug them so tight.  So we've avoided the chance of bumping in to any of them all together... it's been tough!!
 
So... 2016 is here!  It's a new year and time for a new start for us.  As most of you know, I don't do sad very well... Jake and I have spent plenty of days doing very little, besides swimming at home and being with our family and closest friends.  They are the ones who love us unconditionally and who know how to make us smile again.  Jake has had a good, restful holiday and that was what we both needed.

2016 will be very different from how I'd imagined it would be, but we have lots of plans in the pipeline, all of them travel-related.  We have rented our house out for 3 months and will be moving in with my parents - it's a great way for us to earn some extra cash and to be able to travel more.  Our first trip is going to be to visit friends in the USA and we are really looking forward to starting our plans on that.  Where to go and how much could we squeeze into one big holiday??  Hopefully we'll be able to plan another trip to Kruger soon and we also have some plans for a holiday in Greece again...  watch this spot, we are definitely going places!!

I hope that everyone else has had a wonderful Christmas and New Year, may 2016 be everything that you hoped it would be!  I will share some holiday snaps (there aren't many) as soon as I can!

Sending love,
Sue XXX