40...

 Today would've been my sweet Jacques' 40th birthday.  40!!???  I know I'm there, but he will always be just 26 to us, so to even imagine him being so old is impossible.  It's crazy to think that Jake is already half his dad's age.  The photo above is one of my least favourite of Jake, but I love Jacques soft, gentle eyes.  And look how big his hands are next to our tiny Jake.

Not a day goes by where Jake and I don't miss this gentle giant.  I wish with all my heart that Jake could have gotten to know his incredible dad, but that wasn't what life had planned.  We speak about Jacques a lot and I share stories with Jake about the man his father was.  He will always be that man and he will always be in our hearts.  We look at photos often and I hate that Jacques is just a photograph to Jake.  One thing that has been "fun" to see is how much of Jacques Jake has in him.  He definitely has Jacques' sense of humour.  He is also extremely affectionate and loving and cares so deeply for the people he loves most.  He is a protector.

  2 weeks and one day after the picture above, Jacques was gone.  This is him and Jake watching some very serious rugby match...

 

Besides family, wine was Jacques true passion.  He spent so many hours perfecting his craft.  I love this photo of him mixing up the yeast to be added to his wine...

 Jake was the greatest reward for our love and I am so pleased that Jacques got to know the love that a parent feels for their child, even though so briefly.  He was a wonderful husband and father and so very proud of his boy...

 This was us leaving the hospital with our new baby.  Jacques bought Jake this tracksuit, which was a million sizes too big - Jake actually wore it to his first birthday party...

 Jacques was a 6ft 4" giant of a man.  He was clumsy as a bear and I was always conscious of moving things out of his way, especially glasses around the dinner table.  If there was a glass in front of Jacques, he would knock it over.  That said, he was so gentle with our baby...

 Jacques stepped up to the plate and did everything he could to help me and to be the best hands-on-dad that he could be...

 Jake was only 5 days old in these photos and Jacques was way more confident at bathing him than I was - he would rush home from work to do this job for me...

 Seriously, pure love.  I don't think that there was a bad bone in this man's body...

 I'm sure we would've been celebrating in style tonight - especially as it's a Friday!  And if not a party, at least a braai with our family and plenty of wine, because that's what was always a priority for Jacques (the family, not the wine).  After all these years, he stays young in the minds of all of us that he left behind, but a little part of me can't help but wonder just a little about how grey he would've been by now.  I wonder how different my life would've been if he hadn't left us. I miss his laughs, his hugs, his gentle nature and his company.  Actually, everything, really.

Blessings to you all,

Sue xxx