Busy, busy...

 The year seems to be moving along at an alarming rate at the moment - Christmas is just around the corner and I haven't even begun to do my shopping!  It seems very hard to believe that Jake is almost finished Grade 4 and will soon be starting on a new adventure with a new teacher and classroom full of new friends.  Jake's exams are well under way and he actually writes his last paper (Maths 2) on Monday.

In the build up to the end of the term, I was lucky enough to go on an outing with Jake's class (above) to the Cape Town Science Center.  Jake's teacher is wonderful and it was lovely to be able to catch up with her again too.  She does happen to be a family friend, so we don't have a traditional parent/teacher relationship.

Jake was thrilled to have me with him for a change - he even took his chances in stealing some of my coffee...

 The science center is a great way for kids to learn through play and if you haven't been, it's a trip well worth making...

 Using their minds to move a ball along a table...

 The kids took part in some boy vs girl challenges and they boys really outdid themselves.  It's so funny to see how differently the two groups work and think...

 The boys built a lot slower, but theirs was sturdier and they managed to beat the girls, who's tower kept falling over...

 

 They made rockets, which tied in brilliantly with their Space theme they've been working on in class...

Getting ready for messy experiments...

 the idea was to put vinegar in a canister, pop some bicarb in, tip it upside down with the lid on firmly and wait for it to pop off - needless to say, most of theirs fizzled out before popping happened...

Break was held outside too.  It was such fun to be the fly on the wall for a change...

 Chatting across the courtyard...

  To the girls on the other side...

 Another team work exercise - the girls actually finished first, but someone tripped and knocked it all over before they'd had a chance to have it checked...

 In other news, Jake and I did our first fun run together.  We're hopefully doing another one tomorrow morning - just 5km, but you've got to start somewhere.  Jake was thrilled with his medal...

 This one was for the West Coast Running Club, which is Marius' club...

 I was invited to stay at cubs on Wednesday evening, to help and to take some photos...

 As a special surprise for the cubs, the leaders had organised for a visit from the guide dogs...

  They were told all about raising guide dog puppies and about living as a blind person and how guide dogs help.  The kids were enthralled...

 This little one is Zeeba...

 And Vixen, who's obviously a chocolate Lab...

 Zeeba is very quizzy.  She's still in training and is only 5 months old...

She's got gorgeous puppy eyes and I think all the kids went home hoping to be able to convince their parents into becoming trainers...

 This is Barry.  He's an old friend and has lived in Edgemead for many years.  He was left blind after having an accident while driving like a maniac in his Lotus.  He didn't have his safety belt on and his spectacles smashed into his eyes.  It's a good lesson for the kids to learn and Barry does motivational speaking, so he's also very entertaining...

 Des and Estelle have given up many years raising guide dogs - Zeeba is their 5th...

  The kids had lots of questions.  This guy was very skeptical about how blind Barry actually is...

 Jake loves animals and wanted to be as close to Vixen as he could be...

 The kids learned how important it is not to touch a guide dog, or interrupt them while they're working, unless they've asked permission...

 It all got too much work for Zeeba and she took a nap mid-way...

 When she woke up, she'd been made an honourary cub...

 We had a friend out from the States a little while ago, who's also very involved with guide dogs there and she's been to see the kids before.  She sent a link for a video

http://boyslife.org/features/136450/scouts-help-raise-puppy-to-become-a-guide-dog/ - which shows a scout who raised a guide dogs and the kids got to enjoy this on Wednesday too...

 A group snap...

  And a big thank you to everybody for coming...

 We have a very hectic weekend ahead, 2 braai's and Rylee's getting Christened on Sunday and a fun run tomorrow morning at sparrows. Hope everyone else has a restful one ahead.

Lots of love 

Sue XXX

Update...

I had Jake at the doctor last week and managed to get his Ritalin dosage increased from 20mg Long Acting, to 30mg Long Acting.  There's been virtually zero change in his behaviour or work and after numerous phone calls and e-mails to his doctor, we have made the shift from Ritalin to Concerta.  

I don't know too much about Concerta, only that it takes longer to take effect (up to an hour) and that it lasts for 12 hours.  I'm not sure what it's side effects are, aside from that it might make Jake struggle with sleep a bit more, as he will only come "down" much later in the day.  I am hoping that this doesn't negatively affect his appetite, as Ritalin does.  Today, he's taken just 27mg, so it might not be enough and we are on a 10 day trial.  By mid-next week, the doctor said that we can re-evaluate and try the 36mg.  I already have the script for this.  Jake starts exams next Friday, so the timing on this is not great, but at the end of the day, who's ever going to ask him how he did in his end of year exams in grade 4?  I'd rather have a happy boy, then an A-student.

On another note, I have actually taken Ritalin this morning.  I've been dying to try it out, but don't like dipping into Jake's supply and running the risk of not having enough for the month.  When I was in Sub-A (now Grade 1), my teacher tried to discuss putting me on Ritalin with my mother.  My dad was not well at the time and my mom wasn't prepared to discuss this with my teacher because she just had so much to deal with already.  I think back when I was in Sub-A, Ritalin was an unknown and the stigma attached to the medicine was ugly.  It meant your child had issues.  And so I leaned to cope.  I managed to get average marks and by the time I finished school, I passed Matric with a C aggregate.  Not too good, not too bad.  Considering that I literally did not open a book for exams, I think I did pretty well.  I obviously listened in class and absorbed what was taught, because I did zero on my own.

So today, I've tried Jake's meds.  I know that I shouldn't have, but I did.  I probably should've tried a lower dosage too, but jumped straight into the 30mg LA.  I do feel a little shaky, but I cannot even begin to explain how quiet my head feels.  I can usually hear blood pumping in my ears and the buzzing when it's quite is loud.  I can't hear those things today.  I have also managed to clear out two wardrobes this morning before work and have got a ton done in the office.  I can type faster and more accurately.  I am here.  100%.  I've learned to live with whatever's been happening in my head until now and I will carry on without taking anything, but I'm utterly amazed!  And I can't help but wonder what I would've done with my life if I had been given these meds while I was at school...

Thank you to everyone who's left comments of encouragement and support - you guys are amazing!

Hope you all have a wonderful weekend!

Love Sue XXX

PS.  I've just had an e-mail from Jake's teacher and she says: "

Jake has already been to me to say he’s feeling “much better” today.  He is finishing one of the first again, not talking and volunteering answers and help – he hasn’t done this in quite a while.  From what I have seen today he may have to take the 36mg but the Concerta seems to be a positive turn around."  Can you hear me shouting for joy?  I am so relieved and so happy, what a wonderful way to start my weekend! Whooooooooooooooooooooooooooo-hoooooooooooooooo! :o)

And so...

It's been a few years since I remembered this date on my blog.  Actually, looking back, the last time I did was in 2011...  

Today is Jacques' birthday.  Actually, no it's not...it used to be, but today is really just another day.  I'll always remember Jacques on his birthday and I'll always wonder what he'd be like another year on, but something has changed for me in the last while.  And so, while I am closely remembering Jacques and all the happy times we shared, all day today (this year, Jake is too), this post is about me.

The days after Jacques died passed by me in a blur.  It was utterly awful and there are moments I'd rather not re-live.  Ever.  I was revolting and must've been hell to live with!  When I look back at the photos, I am reminded how I was really just going through the motions.  Thankfully, I have the most wonderful parents, who took Jake and I and our 2 dogs into their home and helped me deal with picking up the pieces on a daily basis.  They have played a huge role in helping me raise Jake - we lived with them for 6 years!  It was a time when I honestly didn't care too much about anything at all, especially me.

These pictures were taken in the "early days" and I think I looked as bad as I felt.  This pic of Jake and I with my mom, was taken on 24 September, just less than 3 months after Jacques died.  We made a trip up the West Coast for the day - at least we were good at getting out the house and at least I managed a smile...

 A few weeks later, just after Jacques' birthday in 2004, I chopped my hair off.  I hate this picture of myself, but it's who I was back then and make-up and dressing nicely weren't much of a concern at all.  Be glad I wasn't in my pajamas!  Thankfully my mom at least cared that my hair always looked OK...

In time, I have to say, that I have learnt how to deal with the hurt that I felt back then.  I didn't believe people when they told me it would get easier to live with and I hated knowing that I was going to go through my whole life without Jacques; that Jake wouldn't know his dad.  The thought of ever meeting someone who made me just as happy was not even a possibility.  Not even a thought.

Very consciously, but I can't tell you when, I decided that I didn't always want to be unhappy.  I don't think I'm a sad person, by nature.  I actually avoid it at all costs and don't even watch sad movies!  I didn't want to go through life sulking and lonely.  I was just 27 back then and hopefully still had a long life to live!  I had Jake to live for and he was an amazing distraction.  He was growing up fast and time was gaining momentum.  The years were going faster and he was becoming his own little person.  School stated and, flip it keeps you so busy, Monday starts and Friday's here before you know it.  Jake is growing up more and more and I'd slowly started healing.

At the time, you don't believe it's possible.  You don't believe you'll ever feel "normal" again.  You don't think you'll want to get dressed and put make up on and go out and chat and laugh and have a glass of wine and meet new people and fall in love and be happy and yet, before you know it, 10 years have passed and you're a whole new person.  Same-same, but so very different.  

At 37, I love being able to look back and see how I've grown up and what I've learned and how I treasure the here and now.  I wonder if Jacques would like the changes in me.  I love my family and my friends and my Jake.  I love Marius and his boys - they are part of my inner circle and I love our time together.  I am really, truly and very deeply happy again. 10 years ago, I NEVER dreamed it was possible.

Thank you to everyone who has put up with me and my issues and who played a role in getting me to where I am today.  I know I'm not perfect, but I love you all more than you will ever know.

Love,

Sue XXX

Life's bumps...

My son, Jake, is kind and caring and funny and just about the sweetest thing I know.  He loves laughing and he loves being a wally and being laughed at.  He has the general knowledge about the weirdest things and a memory like an elephant - at least with things he wants to remember, like wildlife and plants and birds.  He loves animals and nature and he loves his veggie patch.  He has a mind like a sewer and loves a naughty joke - the ruder, the better.  His funniest is the curry eating competition, which you can read here. He laughs till he can hardly breathe.  I must print it to take home for him again later.  My son, Jake, loves having his back tickled and reading books - at the moment, The Magic Faraway Tree by Enid Blyton.  He loves watching me picking up the dog poo and giving me a running commentary on what each dropping looks like, just to see me gag.  He loves watching movies and junk food, not veggies.  He loves the games on my phone.  He loves our tradition of being allowed to sleep in my bed on Sunday nights, eating yogurt and chocolates and cuddling and reading books.

My son, Jake, has a problem.  He suffers from Attention Deficit Disorder.  It's a very frustrating disorder to live with - for both of us.  Without his medication (he's on Ritalin 20mg Long Acting for his school day, which should last about 8 hours), Jake finds it virtually impossible to focus his attention on one thing at a time.  His time management skills are non-existent, my boy can FAFF.  He struggles to get work done as quickly and efficiently as other kids his age do.  He gets frustrated with himself for not coping.  He does not listen - or should I say, hear?  He gets upset about having to struggle and for getting into trouble, when he knows he should be able to do the work. He hates being untidy and he hates the fact that he is one of the few kids in his class, who hasn't qualified for his clutch pencil license yet.

After moaning and whining last week about the tough time Jake's been giving me, I had a note from his teacher yesterday.  It seems as though he's not managing well at school at the moment either...

Lately, Jake's been very unhappy about doing homework and studying.  He's disinterested and distracted and moans at me about having to get on with it.  In my mind, you sit down and do it as quickly as possible, so that you've got the rest of the day to yourself.  His doctor has given me additional meds (just 10mg of Ritalin, which lasts 4 hours) to give him in the afternoon, which I do begrudgingly give him, but only when it's exam time.  I only give him a half a dose, which should last him 2 hours.  Even with his meds, on Monday, it took Jake almost an hour to do a maths worksheet, which should've taken him about 20 mins, max 30.  He usually loves maths, so it was unusual for me to hear him complaining.  We're also working a lot on his exam time table - he should be doing quite a lot of his summarizing and studying on his own already, but I find myself practically teaching it to him and it takes him hours to remember anything, even with his top up meds.  Most days we're busy with homework until at least 6pm at the moment.  I hate it, but it is a fact of life and he has to do it... I certainly don't want to do it - I'm finished school - but I can't let him struggle either.  But the moaning...oh my...

In the classroom, Jake's distracted, talkative and causing disturbances amongst his friends.  His teacher (she's really the most wonderful teacher he could've wished for this year!) said he's also become very untidy and is struggling to keep up in class.  His concentration's become a problem for him again this term and he's making careless mistakes and takes longer to finish his work.  His teacher said that she's continuously reminding Jake to keep working and to stop talking and she can see he's getting frustrated too.  On the plus side, which makes me very, very proud, she did say that "Jake is a delightful, well-mannered young man".

Jake's really a very sensitive soul and I know that he takes his teacher's  gentle encouragement and reminders to get done, in the wrong way.  I know too that he knows he's not coping and I know that this hurts him very much. 

SO... I had a little chat with him yesterday afternoon in the car on the way home from school and he admitted that he feels like his meds aren't working as well as before. He doesn't like being in trouble and he wants to be able to do his best in his exams.  Why would anyone want their child to suffer like this, when there's a solution that can help?  Surely not giving my son the medication he needs will be detrimental to his confidence and his outlook on life?  He knows he has a problem, he knows he needs to work on it, but he doesn't know how. 

As his mother, I'm going to do the best I can to help him.  I've made a doctor's appointment for tomorrow afternoon and hopefully we can help spare Jake some heartache and get things back on track for him.  All any of us ever really want for our kids is to see them happy.  Hopefully I'm helping Jake find his happiness again.

Sending love,

Sue XXX

Mommy's Little Bear Cub...

Well not really, it's just that I'm fiercely protective of my beautiful boy.  Like a momma bear.  Sure, he's not an angel; in fact, sometimes, he's the complete opposite!  But he's mine and I wouldn't change him for anything.  He's more precious than anything else in the whole entire world and I love him to pieces.

Being a single parent is a challenge and it's so difficult to know whether you're making the right decisions.  It's difficult not to be over-protective.  It's difficult to be even tempered and to always put a child's needs ahead of your own.  It's difficult to not be selfish sometimes.  My biggest challenge with Jake is that he's a dawdler.  Part of it is genetic - his dad was never punctual!  Nothing happens quickly for him and his ADD is a very big challenge for me!  I am not as patient with him as I should be, even though I do try my very best.  It's extremely frustrating to live with someone who can take 2 hours to get dressed and ready for school in the mornings. 

His ADD is a far bigger problem then I'd realised before I put him on Ritalin.  I know it's such a contraversial medication and so many people disagree with the fact that Jake's on it, but it helps him in every single facet of his life.  Once he's had his meds, he's more even-tempered, less over-sensitive, he has a better sense of humour, he can enjoy rough play, without taking it to the next level, he can hold a conversation without drifting off mid-sentence, he gets his homework done, he's more reasonable and less irritating. Living with a kid with ADD is not easy.  Doing it one on one every day is HARD work!  And yet, I wouldn't change a thing about him.  I think ADD is character building and it will help him understand people with problems all through life.  It's a challenge that he needs to learn to live with and he needs to learn to overcome.  Hopefully some of what I'm teaching him will help him to be a more organised man one day.

I've rambled totally off course here...  My photo was taken last year at Jake's cub's prize-giving.  He won 3 awards, including cub of the year.  Jake is a very enthusiastic cub.  He loves everything about his Wednesday evenings with his troop and never misses out on an excursion with the group either.  I love that he has done cubs; I think it's taught him some fabulous life-skills.  It's good old fashioned fun, kids running around and making a noise.  They have formal prayer ceremonies at the beginning and end of each meeting.  Jake's biggest reward is earning badges.  He loves badges and his sleeves are full.  I do plan to do a post on this sometime soon too.

BUT...

Today, Jake is going off on a cub's camp.  They're not going far from home and I am fetching him at 1 on Sunday.  He has been very excited about it until this week, when he's suddenly decided that he doesn't actually want to go, he doesn't want to leave me and he hates camps.  I know he doesn't like not knowing where I am or what I'm doing - my little cub is also very protective.  Don't get me wrong, I have no false-pretenses about the camp - I know that once he's said goodbye and driven off, he'll be very excited.  The weekend is going to be great and they have another group of cubs joining them, plus the scouts that he will be joining next year will be there too.  He is going to have a ball.  Still... he doesn't want to go.  He has admitted that he likes to make me feel bad that he's got to go, so I know part of this is a mind game for him.

Plus... It's the first time that Marius and I have got no kids at all for the entire weekend (well, until lunch time on Sunday & excluding New Zealand) and I have to selfishly admit that I'm really looking forward to sleeping in late, going out for dinner and just being on my own.  I don't ever want to not be "mom", but I am looking forward to a weekend of no responsibility and without having to argue and make decisions for someone else. 

I know that Jake is going to be safe and that he's going to sing songs and braai marshmallows around the fire.  He's going to love sleeping in a tent and he is going to do his first aid badge too.  He is going to have so much to tell me so well and I know he's going to have such a wonderful adventure.  Absence makes the heart grow fonder too and I'm already looking forward to Sunday afternoon, when I can have him back again!!

Enjoy the camp out, Jake, it's going to be fabulous!  I love you so much and can't wait to hear all about it.  Look after you and I'll look after me.  Love you XXX

Enjoy your weekend everyone XXX

Bright and Breezy...

On Sunday morning, we had the kids up bright and early to do a little hike with us.  We all really enjoy getting out doors and haven't been on a good walk for quite some time.  The weather on Sunday was perfect and we took full advantage of it.

Please note: I've tried a new photo editor with these pictures and I haven't quite got them right, so please forgive my over-edited snaps.  It's this or nothing...

 This was our challenge - Lion's Head.  The walk is pretty simple, until you get to where those trees are, so the last bit is quite challenging (for me, OK)...

 Already, by 6:30, there were lots of other people doing the same thing as us...

 Bright spring flowers...

 Michael and Cam...

 Not to be left out, Jake was quick to join them...

 Cam asked me to take this photo - I only realised when I downloaded it, that I had my camera on the wrong setting... sorry Cam...

 Busy bees...

 The boys taking a little rest...

 Looking out over Signal Hill and Table Bay...

 Michael peeping through a hole in a rock...

 And Cameron...

 And my very own pork-pie, Jake...

 Being silly in the little cave...

 Another little peeping spot...

 Coming around the mountain into the morning sun...

 Time for the hard work - for me at least.  The boys thought this part was the best...

 Jake always waits for me, he's such a concerned little boy...

 Michael climbing the chains...

 And Jake...

 I had to hand my camera over at this point - it was going to get bumped.  It meant that Marius could take some pictures of me too...

 Nearly there...

 I can't be serious all the time...

 Jake and I are not nearly as fit as Marius and his boys...  Michael and Cameron were up at the top long before us...

 Jake's rest stop...

 Marius had to wait for me too.  It's something I'm working hard on at the moment.  The treadmill is my friend...

 Once you get to the top, the views over Cape Town are just breath-taking...

 Looking over to Table Mountain...

 Jake with Robben Island in the back ground...

 I do love this boy.  He goes nearly as red in the face as I do when I do exercise...

 He was perched on a rock high above Sea Point.  Not really - there was a landing below him.  Hahahaha... check how skew my horizon is.  Would be so boring if it were straight...

 Another snap of the cable station...

 Marius didn't even break a sweat.  Next time, he can give me a piggy back ride all the way to the top...

 I love this picture.  Perhaps because it's one of the few that don't look too processed in this batch...

The sun was quickly warming the air up and the morning mist was disappearing fast.  Mountains forever...

On top of the world...

Marius and his fun-loving boys...

Hahaha... the morning sun was bright...

Our pretty city.  Sure next to New York, etc it's tiny, but it's the best city in the world...

Robben Island and Sea Point without Jake...

Our attempt at Jake holding Robben Island in the palm of his hand...

Marius and his mini-me...

Quickly joined by Michael...

And of course, Jake couldn't be left out of a photo opportunity, even if he was acting silly...

Wheeheeeheee - bless you Michael...

The view as we started our way back down the mountain.  This is looking out over Camps Bay beach and the 12 Apostles Mountain Range...

We were all glad we'd made the effort to get up early, the mountain was SUPER busy by the time we'd turned back.  Narrow paths and waiting for chains/ladders considered, going down was easy...

Marius and Cam waiting for us.  Michael had already gone ahead (see his red t-shirt near the point).  Cam deserted us soon after - he couldn't let his big brother beat him.  Fortunately, Jake's a lazy slug like his mom, so we took it easy on the way down...

And Marius had my camera again.  Hi me.  Hi Jake.  Look how determined Jake looks.  And hahaha... only just noticed that we were colour co-ordinated...

After our little walk, the kids were all boiling.  It was 31 degrees C on Sunday and by the time we got to the bottom, it was already warm.  We decided to stop in for a quick swim at the Sea Point Pavillion.  You can see it in the pictures above from the top of Lion's Head.  Michael braving the jump...

And not to be outdone by his big brother, Cam tried it out too.  Jake opted to stay dry...

Once Cam had tried the "small" jump, he did the big one too...

And this time, not to be outdone by his little brother, Michael followed...

Jake trying to pluck up the courage to jump.  Poor Michael hurt his eyes, swimming the day before at a friend - chlorine!  Jake never did jump, but maybe one day he'll be brave enough...

We used to visit the Pav quite often when we were kids.  My dad grew up in Sea Point and my parents lived there when they first got married.  We loved Rocklands Beach, but the Pav was always a special outing.  I loved the little shop, where they sold long, flat spearmint gum and the baby's pool was always so warm.  On one trip, we stopped by these little islands to have our photo taken and I forgot my Bentley belt (swimming tube) on the bench when we left.  By the time we went back, it was already gone.  I was in so much trouble!!  Hahaha... I think that was the last time we went.  I don't think my parents took us back - sorry Jo!

Looking back at Lion's Head from the Pavillion - wooohooo - I did it...

Back at Marius' house, the weather was perfect and we had the most relaxing day.  Lion's Head on the right of the mountain, with Signal Hill.  Pretty, hey?  I am a lucky girl...

Hope you're all having a good week!

Sending love,

Sue